Coming soon...

But wait, there's more.  There were also the previews, well, one in particular, even if it was sort of confusing at first.

Seeing it, my first thought was, "Really, they're making an Aquaman movie?"
My second was, "Oh wait, it's Superman."

Then came the other questions.  When did Superman get a job on a crab boat?  Frankly, the more important question is, did the other crew members know what he could do?  Really, if I was on one of those boats and found out that someone had superpowers, I'd expect them to really pull their weight.  Heck, given the right powers, and considering that this is Superman, he could probably handle the boat all by himself.  He'd use the x-ray vision to find the crabs, the super strength to throw and retrieve the pots, and have that boat filled in no time, meaning either more money or more free time.  Actually, if he didn't say anything and I only found out after it was all over, I think I'd be pretty darn mad.

But enough about the boat.  My other question was: when did Superman get rocket boots?  Why would Superman even need rocket boots?  I know, I know, it was supposed to be about how fast he's flying, breaking the sound barrier, and whatnot, but really, that air pocket or whatever it was kind of made it look like he was wearing flameless rocket boots, which would actually be pretty nifty.

So many questions for such a short little preview.  Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait until the movie comes out to see if any of them are answered.  They probably won't be, but I can dream, can't I?

I liked it, I really did. I just have a few questions.

I saw The Dark Night Rises the Saturday after it opened, and the only reason this hasn't been posted sooner is that it's just been kicking around and I never finished it because other things became more important than a movie review, but now it's time to do it or let it die, and apparently I don't want it to die.  Anyway, I saw it that Saturday, and in case you were wondering, no, the tragedy did not color my viewing.  I was never afraid for my life and was only as conscious of the exits as I always was.  After all, going at 10:30 in the morning, how many bad things could happen?  Anyway, enough of that.  It was a sad thing to happen and that's that.  Now onto the movie.  As I said, I liked it, but I don't know that I loved it, part of the problem being that I think that it had become so built up by buzz that nothing I saw could have met my expectations.  Still, I had a good time and it will be joining the other DVDs on the shelf when it finally comes out.  However, as much as I liked it, I had a few issues with it, and all of the people who loved it, think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread, and think it was perfect can move on to the next post because I'm going to talk about those issues, including the thing that I know I wasn't supposed to laugh at but did.

Are they gone?  Good.
(Isn't it nice that I seem to have created a whole great mass of invisible people who actually read this blog?  I do.  :))

First off, I thought that the movie started slow and had the whole feeling of there's a fireworks factory off in the distance but we're going to do a lot of other things instead and we might get there, but we might not, so deal with it, we've got backstory to deal with and you're going to sit there and take it.  Granted, when the movie finally found its feet, it took off running, though I still think there were far too many "As you know, Bob" moments.  What are these moments, you ask?  Well, they're basically when one character explains something to another that that other character really, really should have already known.  I mean, if I lived in Gotham, I think I would actually know things about the city, and if I were in charge of some project or company or something like that, I would like to think that I would have taken an active part and actually learned about them, not just sort of shrugged and said, "Whatever.  Just don't let something bad happen to it in the future," and walked away to do whatever it was I needed or wanted to do.

Then there was that little bit of repetition from the first movie.  Okay, maybe I'm the only one who noticed it, or maybe I just started getting nitpicky once I really started to think about it, but that whole "there are no cops" thing, didn't we sort of do that in the first movie when everyone got stuck in The Narrows, or wherever, with the fear gas?  Isn't that sort of the same thing as all of the cops being stuck in the sewer?  Isn't it?  I think it is, but I could be wrong.  I could also be right.

And now we come to Bane.  Oh, Bane.  Bane, Bane, Bane, Bane, Bane.  I really felt sorry for the guy by the end.  He had such promise, he did such great and terrible things, and then, so close to the end,  with what I recall to be a single sentence, he was marginalized and turned from a criminal genius to a mere hired goon.  In that moment, I really felt sorry for him because he was essentially sacrificed in order for the big reveal of the so-called true mastermind.  I don't know why, but that really bugged me, and continues to bug me.  Poor, poor Bane, and then what happened?  He died.  And then Talia died.  And that was it.  He was sacrificed for a few minutes of audience shock, which, when I saw it, was actually more a "Huh," than an "Oh my!"  Way to go, movie.  Way to go.

Not that Bane was perfect.  I had my issues with him as well, especially since they seemed to sort of ignore the thing that I'd always thought had, well, sort of made him Bane.  Yes, folks, I'm bringing up the Venom.  (And I've decided to capitalize it for no reason.)  So what happened to the Venom?  Wasn't that a sort of important part of the character that made him who he was?  I know, I know, the movies were going for more realism than the comics, and every time I've brought this issue up, that's basically the explanation that I get.  In other words, they couldn't make it work realistically, so they didn't use it.  Excuse me, but I think that's a lie.  I think that the Venom could have been worked in there somehow without falling into the campy, campy movie arena.  If all else failed, we could have had a short explanation about historical groups known to have done similar things because we all know how much the movie liked to talk to itself.  (The one group coming to mind are the Viking berserkers, but I know that there are others, too.)  Of course, there could also be the argument that the Venom was there and that they explained it in that throw away comment about how the mask helps him and all that, but that was either just before or after the big reveal, so who knows if anyone was actually paying attention.  So yeah, maybe you think you addressed the whole Venom issue, but I don't.  The mask doesn't cut it, sir.  Sorry, but it doesn't.  It just doesn't.

And now we come to the other part of the mask: the voice.  Okay, so with that, all I want to know is why did he have to sound like Boris Karloff?  Honestly, there were moments in the movie where I just wanted to shake my head and say, "Bane, dear, we are not in an old horror movie and you are not wearing a cape or playing some sort of evil doctor.  Let's pull back a little, okay?  Yes, I know that you're excited, but you're just getting this speech pattern that, well, sort of takes away from your evilness, and I know how important that is to you."  Then there's my other question surrounding the voice:  are we supposed to believe he doesn't have a tongue?  I'm only asking because I can get pretty close to mimicking the voice just by holding my tongue back when I talk, and given what happened to his origin story, I don't think that it would be too great of stretch to make that believable.  (Where was one of those "As you know, Bob" moments when I really needed it?)

And finally, because I know you've all been waiting for it, if you've made it this far without flying into a blinding rage and cursing me to whatever place you want to curse me, there was one moment that kind of made me laugh, and it happened right near the end, right when I was supposed to be in fear for the lives of the great Batman and everyone in Gotham.  Yes, folks, I'm talking about the bomb.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a crime fighter or superhero in any capacity, but if it was me, and I found myself towing a soon to detonate, unstable nuclear device with my flying craft, I think I'd be a little more careful and not drag it down the street, or knock it into a traffic light.  In fact, I'd probably try to get it as high into the sky as I could, as fast as I could, rather than giving it a tour of the town.  Now, I get it, it was heavy and hard to tow and he was bleeding and whatnot, but still, one would think that he'd be able to keep it off of the ground, or at least keep it from hitting things because frankly, the stop light sort of looked intentional, but it still made me laugh.

Now, I don't want you think that I hated the movie.  I didn't.  I liked it.  I think it continued on in the spirit of what had happened in the last two, though maybe not quite as well, and with a much more sequelly feeling, but there were a lot of plot strings to tie together for everything to be in a fairly neat package at the end with a stamp that said "It's over.  The end.  Go, live your lives and be free...until the DVD release.  Muwahahahahahaha!"  Regardless of what you may think, there were parts that I liked.  I liked the court if only because it reminded me of "The Trial," which happens to be one of my favorite episodes of Batman: The Animated Series, and I was sort of sad not to see old hanging judge Joker, but I understand why and wouldn't have really expected it even if things hadn't turned out the way they had.  I also liked the overall feel of the movie, playing with the realism and making it seem plausible that some guy could go running around a city dressed as a bat, fighting crime, and, well, I'll stop right there before I stop believing.

I also liked Catwoman.  I really did.  I certainly liked her a heck of a lot better than the Michelle Pfeiffer one.  I know, I know.  Blasphemy.  Oh well.  Really, I didn't like that whole movie.  Everyone just seemed to be so bogged down in the "Woe is me.  I have problems.  Boo hoo," mindset that after a while it got pretty darn annoying.  Anyway, back to this movie.  I liked her.  I did.  I'm still having a hard time trying to figure out how you accomplish anything in those heels, and how you don't just end up with trash from the street gumming up the blades, but that's my problem, not yours.  She actually advanced the plot, seemed like she actually had skills to do things like commit crimes, and best of all didn't seem to be there only to play the part of Batman's on-again, off-again girlfriend, which was nice to see.

So there you have it.  That's what I thought.  You may agree.  You may not.  These are but the thoughts of a single individual and may or may not reflect your own.  (And if you've actually made it this far, I thank you for your time.)

This has been kind of a rough day for you, hasn't it?

You find out that you've lost your only prisoner,
And then you have to find some new guards.
(Though truthfully, that last one is sort of your fault.)

Insanity, thy name is pine tree.

The goods news is, I know how I'm going to paint it.
The bad news is, I know how I'm going to paint it.
It's going to take hours.
At least two.
And I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up being three.
Or four.
Then again, it might also be five.

And that's why I won't be buying one.

Last night I saw a picture frame that said "The Girl's."

The Girl's what?

If I owned one, it would drive me crazy.

I almost wanted to damage them all out, just to raise the I.Q. of the store.

I was all set to use "inappropriate use of an apostrophe" or "improper grammar" as the reason.

I'm still tempted.

And sad because I know there are a lot of people who won't see anything wrong with them.

I could be wrong.

There's a lot of ground to be covered in those last 90 pages.
(However, depending on how it goes, I could still be right.)

That's not how you say that...

Apparently, the hardest word to say right now is Maleficent.
And my favorite mispronunciation so far has been Mal Efficient.
I think it sounds like some sort of evil robot.
Or a goofy robot sidekick.
Or a slow moving, accident prone robot with dreams of world domination, or mastery of stairs, whenever he gets there, and whenever he makes up his mind.

The e is silent, and invisible.

According to a sign I saw on the way home from work, the tire change place is "hireing."
(Yeah, I don't know what that means either.  I wonder if it pays well.)

It's only common courtesy.

Considering how dangerous this situation has the potential to be, she should at least be given a name.

(Especially since this is actually her second appearance.)

I must find this amazing garment.

According to the little boy trying to convince his sister to buy it, whatever she was trying on was perfect for playing War, Ninja, Ninja Detective, and Old Man and Old Woman, the last one seeming to  entail them dying at the end.  All that I can be sure of was that someone was going to be playing Ninja when he got home, and if his sister didn't buy whatever it was that she was trying on, she wouldn't be.

Apollo, no!

I know I wasn't supposed to think it, and I certainly wasn't supposed to laugh, but when I read the line "Whatever it takes to break you," I couldn't help but think of Rocky IV, and wonder when Ivan Drago had joined The Hunger Games.

And so we must now say goodbye to the Ambassador.

He only appeared twice, but still threatened to take over the story.

I gave into peer pressure.

I read The Hunger Games.
All of it.
All three books in about a week and a half.
Now I'm thinking that first book was the easiest to film.
Because more than a few later scenes left me wondering how the heck they're going to film them.
One scene in particular.
I won't say which one, but here's a clue: Younglings.
That is all.

Spit it out. Spit. It. Out.

I think Violet Beauregarde and her sister went shopping today.
(And after that, I couldn't get the song out of my head.)

You're a real piece of work, you know that.

I have never wanted to slap a fictional character more than I want to slap him.
(And if he keeps it up, I'm going to change that to a punch.)
The problem is, I created him, so I guess you could argue that it's my fault he's the way he is.

(Not that I'm going to change him.)
(Because in a way, I also really, really like him.)
(I know.  It's a problem.)

I have been neglectful.

I know this.
I blame the Olympics.
And laziness.
And exhaustion.