I liked it, I really did. I just have a few questions.

I saw The Dark Night Rises the Saturday after it opened, and the only reason this hasn't been posted sooner is that it's just been kicking around and I never finished it because other things became more important than a movie review, but now it's time to do it or let it die, and apparently I don't want it to die.  Anyway, I saw it that Saturday, and in case you were wondering, no, the tragedy did not color my viewing.  I was never afraid for my life and was only as conscious of the exits as I always was.  After all, going at 10:30 in the morning, how many bad things could happen?  Anyway, enough of that.  It was a sad thing to happen and that's that.  Now onto the movie.  As I said, I liked it, but I don't know that I loved it, part of the problem being that I think that it had become so built up by buzz that nothing I saw could have met my expectations.  Still, I had a good time and it will be joining the other DVDs on the shelf when it finally comes out.  However, as much as I liked it, I had a few issues with it, and all of the people who loved it, think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread, and think it was perfect can move on to the next post because I'm going to talk about those issues, including the thing that I know I wasn't supposed to laugh at but did.

Are they gone?  Good.
(Isn't it nice that I seem to have created a whole great mass of invisible people who actually read this blog?  I do.  :))

First off, I thought that the movie started slow and had the whole feeling of there's a fireworks factory off in the distance but we're going to do a lot of other things instead and we might get there, but we might not, so deal with it, we've got backstory to deal with and you're going to sit there and take it.  Granted, when the movie finally found its feet, it took off running, though I still think there were far too many "As you know, Bob" moments.  What are these moments, you ask?  Well, they're basically when one character explains something to another that that other character really, really should have already known.  I mean, if I lived in Gotham, I think I would actually know things about the city, and if I were in charge of some project or company or something like that, I would like to think that I would have taken an active part and actually learned about them, not just sort of shrugged and said, "Whatever.  Just don't let something bad happen to it in the future," and walked away to do whatever it was I needed or wanted to do.

Then there was that little bit of repetition from the first movie.  Okay, maybe I'm the only one who noticed it, or maybe I just started getting nitpicky once I really started to think about it, but that whole "there are no cops" thing, didn't we sort of do that in the first movie when everyone got stuck in The Narrows, or wherever, with the fear gas?  Isn't that sort of the same thing as all of the cops being stuck in the sewer?  Isn't it?  I think it is, but I could be wrong.  I could also be right.

And now we come to Bane.  Oh, Bane.  Bane, Bane, Bane, Bane, Bane.  I really felt sorry for the guy by the end.  He had such promise, he did such great and terrible things, and then, so close to the end,  with what I recall to be a single sentence, he was marginalized and turned from a criminal genius to a mere hired goon.  In that moment, I really felt sorry for him because he was essentially sacrificed in order for the big reveal of the so-called true mastermind.  I don't know why, but that really bugged me, and continues to bug me.  Poor, poor Bane, and then what happened?  He died.  And then Talia died.  And that was it.  He was sacrificed for a few minutes of audience shock, which, when I saw it, was actually more a "Huh," than an "Oh my!"  Way to go, movie.  Way to go.

Not that Bane was perfect.  I had my issues with him as well, especially since they seemed to sort of ignore the thing that I'd always thought had, well, sort of made him Bane.  Yes, folks, I'm bringing up the Venom.  (And I've decided to capitalize it for no reason.)  So what happened to the Venom?  Wasn't that a sort of important part of the character that made him who he was?  I know, I know, the movies were going for more realism than the comics, and every time I've brought this issue up, that's basically the explanation that I get.  In other words, they couldn't make it work realistically, so they didn't use it.  Excuse me, but I think that's a lie.  I think that the Venom could have been worked in there somehow without falling into the campy, campy movie arena.  If all else failed, we could have had a short explanation about historical groups known to have done similar things because we all know how much the movie liked to talk to itself.  (The one group coming to mind are the Viking berserkers, but I know that there are others, too.)  Of course, there could also be the argument that the Venom was there and that they explained it in that throw away comment about how the mask helps him and all that, but that was either just before or after the big reveal, so who knows if anyone was actually paying attention.  So yeah, maybe you think you addressed the whole Venom issue, but I don't.  The mask doesn't cut it, sir.  Sorry, but it doesn't.  It just doesn't.

And now we come to the other part of the mask: the voice.  Okay, so with that, all I want to know is why did he have to sound like Boris Karloff?  Honestly, there were moments in the movie where I just wanted to shake my head and say, "Bane, dear, we are not in an old horror movie and you are not wearing a cape or playing some sort of evil doctor.  Let's pull back a little, okay?  Yes, I know that you're excited, but you're just getting this speech pattern that, well, sort of takes away from your evilness, and I know how important that is to you."  Then there's my other question surrounding the voice:  are we supposed to believe he doesn't have a tongue?  I'm only asking because I can get pretty close to mimicking the voice just by holding my tongue back when I talk, and given what happened to his origin story, I don't think that it would be too great of stretch to make that believable.  (Where was one of those "As you know, Bob" moments when I really needed it?)

And finally, because I know you've all been waiting for it, if you've made it this far without flying into a blinding rage and cursing me to whatever place you want to curse me, there was one moment that kind of made me laugh, and it happened right near the end, right when I was supposed to be in fear for the lives of the great Batman and everyone in Gotham.  Yes, folks, I'm talking about the bomb.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a crime fighter or superhero in any capacity, but if it was me, and I found myself towing a soon to detonate, unstable nuclear device with my flying craft, I think I'd be a little more careful and not drag it down the street, or knock it into a traffic light.  In fact, I'd probably try to get it as high into the sky as I could, as fast as I could, rather than giving it a tour of the town.  Now, I get it, it was heavy and hard to tow and he was bleeding and whatnot, but still, one would think that he'd be able to keep it off of the ground, or at least keep it from hitting things because frankly, the stop light sort of looked intentional, but it still made me laugh.

Now, I don't want you think that I hated the movie.  I didn't.  I liked it.  I think it continued on in the spirit of what had happened in the last two, though maybe not quite as well, and with a much more sequelly feeling, but there were a lot of plot strings to tie together for everything to be in a fairly neat package at the end with a stamp that said "It's over.  The end.  Go, live your lives and be free...until the DVD release.  Muwahahahahahaha!"  Regardless of what you may think, there were parts that I liked.  I liked the court if only because it reminded me of "The Trial," which happens to be one of my favorite episodes of Batman: The Animated Series, and I was sort of sad not to see old hanging judge Joker, but I understand why and wouldn't have really expected it even if things hadn't turned out the way they had.  I also liked the overall feel of the movie, playing with the realism and making it seem plausible that some guy could go running around a city dressed as a bat, fighting crime, and, well, I'll stop right there before I stop believing.

I also liked Catwoman.  I really did.  I certainly liked her a heck of a lot better than the Michelle Pfeiffer one.  I know, I know.  Blasphemy.  Oh well.  Really, I didn't like that whole movie.  Everyone just seemed to be so bogged down in the "Woe is me.  I have problems.  Boo hoo," mindset that after a while it got pretty darn annoying.  Anyway, back to this movie.  I liked her.  I did.  I'm still having a hard time trying to figure out how you accomplish anything in those heels, and how you don't just end up with trash from the street gumming up the blades, but that's my problem, not yours.  She actually advanced the plot, seemed like she actually had skills to do things like commit crimes, and best of all didn't seem to be there only to play the part of Batman's on-again, off-again girlfriend, which was nice to see.

So there you have it.  That's what I thought.  You may agree.  You may not.  These are but the thoughts of a single individual and may or may not reflect your own.  (And if you've actually made it this far, I thank you for your time.)