Chop! Chop! Chop!

The editing isn't being done with a scalpel.

It's being done with a cleaver.

Trust me, it's for the best.

Jump in!

Those fancy security locks on the doors are pointless when you park and leave the top down.

Season premiers try so very hard.

Perhaps too hard?

Beautifully tragic.

We're going to go on a little journey, you and I. You're going to sit there, and I'm going to tell you a story of lost love that I just realized was sitting in my iTunes, specifically the Beautiful Music collection. Keep in mind, the order of the songs is as they appear in the collection. I haven't done anything to move them around. This is just the way they came together, which I think is pretty cool.

And so, without any further ado, I present my accidental music story:

"(I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden," by Lynn Anderson

We begin with a relationship that might be in a little trouble. both sides seem to be expecting different things and the rude awakenings are starting to take their toll. At this point we can probably be pretty sure that this can only end in tears, but exactly how it will all play out is anyone's guess. Still, who knows, maybe those crazy kids will work things out (though I have to warn you, that song is not on this list).

"The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia," by Vicki Lawrence

Uh oh. Looks like things have gone from bad to worse and we've seemingly abandoned our couple for the view of someone on the outside. It would appear that the problems of the previous song have only multiplied and the end of the relationship is only a matter of time. So very sad that two lives have to be ruined because of it, but maybe it's for the best. After all, if the third party hadn't interfered, who knows how long this doomed romance would have gone on.

"Moody River," by Pat Boone

With the romance gone and the couple separated, here we start to see the the aftermath of the end of the relationship from one half of the pair. It came so unexpectedly and now she's just gone without a trace and only a simple explanation. He's going going through some things right now. We'd best leave him alone (and maybe give him a life preserver).

"The End Of The World," by Skeeter Davis

And here we see the other half of the story. Sure, the relationship had its problems, but it's still sad to see that it's come to this. Now, all alone, and unsure of what to do, it's time for some good old-fashioned wallowing in self-pity. Cheer up, hon. It's going to get better with time.

"Gonna Get Along Without You Now," by Skeeter Davis.

And so it has. Seeing all of the problems. Seeing that it was doomed from the start, it's time to take stock and realize that ending it was for the best, that it's time to move on, and that the world isn't quite so dark. In fact, both parties now realize that she doesn't need him and he doesn't need her. Folks, I think these two crazy kids are going to be all right.

Their futures brighter, though by no means less uncertain, it's time to bid our characters adieu and move on to other songs and other stories. I hope you enjoyed this little story, or that it at least made you think about how the order in which things, like songs, fall can really affect how you see them. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go listen to "Swingin' Safari."

Maybe they're haunted.

As I was taking pictures of pictures so that I could have a better idea of what frame would go with what picture, I couldn't help but notice that two of the pictures, each featuring the same girl, came out blurry no matter how I tried to take them. Spooky.

It's too early to be sick of this election, but I am.

I'm good.

You're evil.

I'm evil.

You're good.

We're...whatever.

I'm right.

You're wrong.

I'm wrong.

You're right.

We're...whatever.

I care.

You don't.

I don't.

You do.

We...whatever.

I understand.

You don't.

I don't understand.

You do.

We...whatever.

Why do you look so confused?

That it does.

For some reason, I get a lot of enjoyment from the promo they've been airing on BBC America that goes as follows, "We lost our empire. We suck at tennis. Our food is lousy. But our television sure kicks ass."

It makes me smile just typing it.

I can't help rooting for the little guy.

Are we there yet?

Traveling 1,264 miles in three days with nothing but the radio, one starts to notice things. Specifically, that there are certain names that radio stations really like to use. These include The River, The Edge, The Mix, Hot (insert station number here), and then of course, there's Magic (or Majik or Majic or however you want to spell it). Now, that isn't to say that there aren't others like The Eagle or The Bear or Froggy that you probably aren't as likely to hear repeated, but still, when you're doing a lot of driving and you keep hearing the same names over and over again, you can't help but wonder "Am I going anywhere at all?"

And where are Higgins, Rick, and T.C.?

I'm just wondering why they used the theme from Magnum, P.I. in a Maybelline ad clearly inspired by Charlie's Angels.

My guess is that they couldn't get the rights to the one song, or maybe Magnum's is more recognizable (It is to me, okay?), or maybe they thought that no one would notice.

Great advice, Dan.

What do you do when you're going on writing, and suddenly your cast of characters is larger than you can handle?

That's when the killer comes.

They might be family.

They might also be the neighbors.

Or friends.

Or the people who owned the cemetery.

Or just acquaintances.

The fact is, we don't know.

Anyone who would is dead.

Long dead.

Because the pictures are old.

Very old.

Late 1800s, early 1900s old.

And there are no names on them.

Except for one.

That one has two names on it.

But picture is only of one person.

At least she has the same last name.

If either name even belongs to her.

Oh well.

They're all going up on the wall anyway.

The shadowy dark wall that the sun never sees.

Because I'd rather not destroy them.

Even if they did come from the "Anonymous People" folder.

Now all I need are some frames.

Good frames worthy of the pictures they'll contain.

Because they might not be family, but I still think they're neat.