Two minutes.

Lately, I have posted every two minutes.  Neat.

F-A-B

It stands for nothing, but I love it all the same.

Searching for meaning.

You'll find the hidden messages if you're looking for them.

(Whether or not they're actually there.)

Consequence.

Once something is elevated to a near Godlike status, it's hard not to be a little disappointed when you finally see it.

I’ll believe it when I see it.

Sorry sir, but we've only ever seen three of those demon dogs, so I'm thinking that there are only three real ones and the rest are cardboard cutouts (kind of like what they did with the Daleks in the past on Doctor Who).  I think SWAT man might be changing into a demon dog himself what with the paw that's now holding the walkie-talkie and the lines around the mouth that bear quite a resemblance to the ones around the mouths of the dogs.  

So the criminals have finally arrived (or at least their dogs have), and our brave guard is showing what he's made of by slipping on a banana peel and falling to the ground.  Well, that or the floor of the bank has a thin coating of ice on it, or they are recreating the running of the bulls with dogs.

Oh Tracy, why the pun?  Why?  (I mean, it's not completely unexpected, but why?)  Also, I've never seen meat that was packed in a cube before (perhaps it's not meat at all, but is in fact a giant bouillon cube, which is often used with meat and can be meat flavored.)  Now I'm starting to think that the gun is filled with A.1. to give it the tang that makes a demon dog's mouth water.  Yum.

Discord

Surprise, surprise, Kelly has taken some bacon and intends to shoot herself a mountain lion (with a camera, of course.  Everyone knows that Cherry's the one with the gun.)  You know, Kelly, some people are depending on that bacon to be part of a hearty woodland breakfast, and won't be too happy to learn that you've absconded with it.  Aside from Kelly's antics, I think trouble may be brewing in the ranks of the forest animals.  The owls are either forgetting that they're allies with the mice, or the mice have decided to alert Kelly to the threat upon her life and the owls are trying to stop them.  (Cherry should really step in and say something, but she's too busy wading across the river to get to the cooler.)
The Kelly problem is about to be solved, permanently.  (Though, I do wonder who's working with the mountain lion.  Could it be the owl?  Another mountain lion?  One of those cubs we're always hearing about?  That bear we saw a while back?  The moose, back for revenge?  Or is this just a mountain lion that likes to talk to itself?)
Again, the plot has been foiled, and the lines of allegiance continue to blur.  Watch yourself, Cherry, this is the second time you've interfered with the completion of the Kelly Initiative.  It's making me question how dedicated you are to the cause.  Could it be that Cherry is in fact a double agent, working for an as yet unnamed organization that, while it recognizes the threat Kelly poses, does not wish to inflict harm upon her that could prove fatal?

(I'm really starting to think that this whole plan is doomed to fail.  The forest animals need to either pull themselves together, or bow out gracefully because this is starting to get embarrassing.  I mean, at least the Avians knew when to quit.)

Weren't you supposed to be protecting the bank?

This entire strip reads like Tracy is robbing the bank.  I mean, I know that you blew the budget on those worthless high-tech gadgets, but that's no reason to throw away a lifetime of honorable public service.  There's got to be another way!  What about that janitor job?  They'll probably take you back if you ask them nicely.  (And let's not give up on modeling just yet.)

Someone needs to tell Tracy that the finger gun only works if you keep it in your pocket, otherwise, people aren't too scared because the worst you can do is poke them in eye, which, while unpleasant, is rarely fatal.  But maybe it isn't a gun after all, maybe this is just a side effect of watching too many martial arts movies.  In his deluded state, he probably thinks that he can stop a bullet with two fingers, can apprehend criminals by focusing on pressure points, or generate some sort of power to use against his enemies.

Ah, now things are getting serious.  Folks, this is how you deal with a crumbling housing market and bad mortgages.  You don't calmly talk to people, figuring out a way to fix things, or just eat the loss and move on.  No, you go in with guns blazing because you want that money, and you want it now.  The SWAT guy should be careful.  He's just about to poke the poor bank guy's eye out (and then what will there be for Tracy to do?).

Finally, in his deluded state, Tracy begins a conversation with a cardboard cutout of a bank guard.  He is also carrying a tiny little gun (possibly a derringer), which may or may not contain water, ketchup, jam, or even bullets (you never know.  It's possible.).  How much farther will Tracy fall before this madness is ended?  How many innocents will he take with him?  How many karate chops and poked eyes must be endured?  (And what's going to happen when the real criminals arrive?)

Speeding towards disaster.

Why do people feel the need to drive as fast as possible around the blind corners in parking structures?  Wouldn't it make sense to take them slow?

The best way to use a Segway, if there is one.

It's the perfect addition to your sheet ghost costume.  Think about it, you can get that smooth, floaty, gliding movement without having to wear roller skates, rig some sort of pulley system, or create an anti-gravity machine.  The only potential problem could be that you look like someone under a sheet driving a Segway, but you can probably avoid that by wearing an umbrella hat under the sheet to get the proper width.  One word of caution: don't snag your sheet on the tires, otherwise, you'll look like a ghost that was run over by a car (unless that's the look you're going for.)

Recruiting for the next wave.

Well, it looks like the Avians are still hard at work.  Sure, it's going to be a while before their spindly bird legs are in top form, but that doesn't mean they can't keep recruiting for the day that it's time to put another plan into action.  This time they've left the animal world and are recruiting in the insect world.  There may be a conflict of interests brewing here though, since birds tend to eat bugs.  (I suppose it's a way to keep the minions under control.  I mean, they'll probably be more willing to take part in the Avians' schemes with the threat of death constantly hanging over their antennae.)  Mark's keeping an eye on all of them, so I guess that's why he's not taking part in the plan concerning Kelly.  (I'm wondering if there's a can of bug spray hidden behind his back just in case they try something, or to let them know that they should really consider where they stand when it comes to him.)  I do have my doubts about this plan though.  I would think that the Avians would recruit more dangerous insects like bees, wasps, etc., and not insects that just look like them.  (Perhaps they're going with the theory that no one ever suspects the butterfly, or in this case, the moth.)

Chances are...

They gave you a chance to reconsider, Kelly.  They gave you a chance to stop.  To abandon this foolish quest, but you can't leave well enough alone, can you?  I wouldn't be surprised if Brawny switches sides now.  I think his priorities are changing.  (If not, he might just be as dumb as a box of rocks.)  The animals gave you one final chance to back down, but since it looks like you have no intention of doing so, the plan is back on.  The signal corps is alerting the others, and the rest of the forces are being mobilized.  You may have gotten off easy this time, but it will probably be the last time you do.
Could this be the mysterious leader of the forest animals?  It's possible.  (Think about how Wise Old Owl led the Save Bill Initiative.)  Kelly should be careful.  If the leader's out, things can only get worse for her.  This confirms that the animals are definitely on the move.  

Wait, wait, wait.  Moss, does the mountain lion have cubs or not?  You used to be so sure, but now you seem to be changing your mind.  Are you even sure that it was a lioness now?  Or is this all part of an elaborate scheme?  After all, if the mountain lion has no cubs, Kelly might be more inclined to try for an extreme close-up.  How nice of you to warn her about the food too.  I mean, that way if something does happen, you can say that you told her to be careful (even though the warning itself told Kelly how to potentially get that footage she's been after.).

(And just one more thing: where did those green cabins come from?)

See it while it's still free.

(You have until midnight tonight.  (That's Sunday, July 20, 2008.)  After that you have to pay.)

And remember...

Even tough old trees need friends.

-Bob Ross

What I learned from an angry cat.

Skin can zip.

It just is.

It's impossible to ride a Segway with dignity.

(Especially if you're wearing a helmet.)

Introducing today’s special guest...

Look everyone, it's Peter Lorre!  (Funny, I was under the impression that he was dead.)  I'm not sure where he came from, or what he's supposed to be doing, but he's doing it really, really well.  (Maybe he's there to make Shirl uncomfortable, or give some vital piece of information, or misinformation, whatever the case may be.)  I'm also not sure what Dick is doing besides taking that map apart street by street.  Apparently the maps are different in Tracyville, and the streets can be pulled off like Fruit By The Foot or Pull 'N Peel Twizzlers.  (Makes getting a snack easier, I suppose, though you should at least have the courtesy to ask if anyone needed to use the map before you started pulling off the streets.  I wonder if the importance of the street correlates with its flavor...)  I think that Dick also needs to get to the hospital since his T-Rex Arms appear to have worsened over the last few strips.  One can only wonder how Tess is faring (or if she's even gotten out of bed yet.  Speaking of which, I really want to see that terrible piece of art that put her there.  I have a feeling it's not really that bad.)  On second thought, maybe his condition isn't so serious after all.  Perhaps he's just practicing his modeling again, and instead of formal wear, he's pretending to take a jog in the park in some great active wear (he has to keep his options open, after all.)

He’s okay, people.

Yup, everything turned out all right (I mean, I didn't really think Cherry would shoot the moose, what with the impressionable young minds who could be reading and who might be traumatized by such a thing.).  What I'm more impressed with is Cherry's Magic Shot Gun.  Well, that and the moose's apparent ability to fly.  I also like the "Yeah, that's right.  You'll think twice before messing with me again." attitude the moose seems to be displaying as it trots off.  But back to the Magic Shot Gun.  I'll say it right now: I want one.  I mean, wouldn't it be neat to have something that can instantly create landforms and transport people?  (I think it would.)  Consider what just happened.  By firing only once, Cherry not only teleported Brawny out of harm's way so that he was now behind the running moose, but she also increased the size of Lost Forest by at least one big hill.  (Think of all the animals that will help.)  It also doesn't even make the sound of a regular shot gun.  Instead, all you hear is the sound of landforms and people being relocated.  (Granted, the technology is still pretty new, so there will be some hard landings at first, but soon it will be refined to a nice "Whump!", "Thud!", or "Thump!")  This could be the answer to the scarce land and resources problem that everyone's been looking for.

It's unclear how Cherry's action will affect the Alliance For Kelly Destruction.  I think her sudden change of heart at the sight of the first skirmish could spell trouble for the rest of the trip and the plan.  We'll have to wait and see how the animals respond, whether they'll just let it go, or whether Cherry has just made her self some enemies who were only recently her friends.  Although, what I really want to know is what happened to the geese and the beaver.  They seem to have just disappeared.  Is there some internal squabbling going on that's going to put everything in jeopardy?  (It's possible.  I mean, we haven't seen a leadership figure emerge yet, so this loose alliance may be coming apart at the seams, and if that's the case, the deer should make sure they're far, far away from the mountain lions.) 

Play ball!

Yeah, we all knew that this was going to happen.  You know, maybe he shouldn't have interfered with that old moose in the first place (and how do we know that it's not a female moose with a calf?  Why are we so quick to assume the moose is alone and so quick to assume the mountain lion isn't?).  Personally, I think that 'ole Brawny of the teeny tiny feet and the moose are just playing a game of swamp ball (and they're doing it with an official Jack Elrod ball).  After that, they're going to have a foot, or hoof, race, so Cherry had to run and get the starting rifle (I mean, we are in the forest after all.  A pistol just wouldn't be appropriate.).  I hope that moose is going to be all right, though I think that Brawny is the one who's in real danger since the others seem to be about a mile away, and by the time Cherry gets in range (if she's planning to shoot the moose, and not just fire into the air to scare it off), whatever trampling is going to be done will have been done, especially since it looks like Brawny is about to take a header into the water.

And on a completely unrelated note, I can't help looking at the first panel and hear a moose voice in my head calling out, "Wait mister!  You forgot your change!"

Puppies!

Watch out, little boy!  That's not just a stray dog, it's a stray demon dog!  What made you think it was safe to pet him is beyond me, but I think it may have something to do with your Larry Fine hairstyle.

So it would appear that the most high-tech thing needed to solve a crime, or at least try to prevent one, is the device that everyone has but not everyone uses: the brain.  Glad to see someone on the force has one.  Yup, they couldn't figure it out until they went low, low-tech and used the tools that everyone is born with: a brain and a good pair of eyes (though, some people may argue that both come in varying models with some being more useful than others, but I'm not going to get into that here).

I guess all it took to uncover "The Plot That Nobody Could Solve" was a guy who could read lips and a criminal too oblivious to notice the dashed line from said guy to the offending lips.  Nobody said that criminals were smart, even when they are members of the police force.  (Though, you would think that this tendency towards evil would have been uncovered through the background checks and profiles done to candidates for the force, but hey, these people don't exactly live in the real world, so I'll cut them some slack)  Also, I'm thinking that Shirl may not be as smart as we've been led to believe since she's talking about the plot while standing a few feet away from the people trying to stop it and nab the ones responsible (perhaps someone should tell her that voice scramblers don't work that way.)
Now, now gentlemen, there's no need to shout, especially when the person you've been monitoring, who I assume you don't want to know that you've just uncovered her nefarious plot, is there in the room (doing I'm not sure what.  Making coffee?  Walking around?  Pointing at something?).  But if you're not shouting at each other, then who are you shielding yourselves from?  Or are you talking on your hand phones, ala Inspector Gadget.  I wonder what kind of reception you get on those things.  I mean, he always had some sort of antenna poking out of the thumb.  Perhaps the technology has improved enough that you don't need that now (though why they'd want to have hand phones when they're already in possession of perfectly good wristwatch radios is beyond me.).

And they're off!

Poor Brawny.  He didn't realize that in the forest, the Woodland Matador waves a blue cape (a lesson learned too late, I'm afraid).  He's also learning that when you're giving directions, you should be specific, even if you're not sure what you're directing even understands you.  He really should have said, "Run past me through the water, splashing elegantly as though a bear were on your tail, or a volcano were erupting.  Don't try to re-enact a scene from any number of movies where hapless campers are attacked by psychotic animals possessed by otherworldly forces."

I'm also not quite sure who's saying "OH NO..." here.  Sure, I know I'm supposed to assume that it's Brawny, but the moose could be slipping on some mud, have gotten tangled up in the weeds, is stepping on a fish, has kicked the beaver, or something like that.  It certainly doesn't help that "OH NO..." seems a little calm.  I mean, sure, it's big, capitalized, and outlined, but in this kind of situation, I'd expect some sort of apostrophe, not three little dots that make it sound more disappointed than surprised or afraid.  In fact, it really seems like it should accompany a comment about a proposed paint color or cake decoration in the way of "Oh no, this won't do at all."

What I heard on the news.

"How a baseball game can be used for good."

(Because it's used for evil so often.)

The pieces are falling into place...maybe.

Well, it appears that the mystery of what was in at least one of the duffel bags Brawny was carrying has been solved, and I must say that it's not helping his "I'm a manly man, look how much stuff I can carry" image.  Yep, he's not toting camping or video equipment, he's brought along something that no wilderness expedition should be without: a Styrofoam airplane.  Because when you've run out of food, are dealing with bad weather, or are going through some other life-threatening ordeal, your first thought is "Gee, I wish I had a Styrofoam airplane to play with and take my mind off of this situation."  (I know it's mine.)

Looks like the animals are getting pretty serious, and appear to be just about ready to launch their attack.  They're covering all of their bases, utilizing land, sea, and air forces.  Notice how Moss and Cherry are keeping their distance, and may even be slowly backing away from the two trouble makers, heading back to the waiting horses that they will silently mount and ride away so that when Kelly and Brawny finally realize something is wrong, it will be too late.  There's nowhere for them to turn now.  Sure, we only see the geese, the moose, and the beaver, but you know the mountain lions, the bears, the squirrels, and who knows what else are hiding in the tall grasses and foliage.  I'm also beginning to think that the fish are in on it too since one of them seems to be giving a final warning to Brawny and Kelly to abandon this foolish endeavor (but we all know that Kelly's not going to give up, and she's willing to take Brawny down with her.)

Unlimited funds.

If I had a lot of money, and didn't have to find a job, I'd spend the summer driving around to roadside attractions, taking lots of pictures and seeing lots of strange and wonderful things.

(Unfortunately, this is not the case.)

Submitted for your consideration.

            

(They're both awfully cute, aren't they?)

It’s like the ink.

Why does the blood seem to disappear if you wear a Band-Aid long enough?  Where does it go?

(Or, is this just my problem, and I have disappearing blood?  It would make sense if I did though, since it seems that I also drive an invisible car.)

Stay out of the water.

Again with the lioness and her cubs.  I want to know how Moss knows that that lone mountain lion we saw was indeed a lioness with cubs.  It must be his trail guide intuition.  If they're by the water, does this mean that they'll be running into Mark, Rusty, or Andy anytime soon, or is that just a random lake/pond in the middle of Lost Forest?

If they want to avoid any problems, I think they should avoid taking whatever boat that moose just disabled.  I don't know much about boating, but I do know that the electrical systems can be pretty vital to making the boat go (unless it's a row boat, a canoe, or a paddle boat, I suppose), and that the time to find out that something is wrong is not in the middle of a stormy lake, or fighting the current of a fast moving river of rapids, especially if you don't have any paddles (and even then, those aren't much help in the middle of a stormy lake, or fighting a raging river).

Count your fingers.

Why does the Hamburger Helper Glove only have four fingers?

(Was there some sort of horrible accident they've never told us about?)

Pump those crazy legs.

Someone once told me that I run like an old man.

(I hope it's a fit old man.)

Perhaps something a little more sensible would be better.

Why does Amazon.com always seem to suggest that I treat myself to the most expensive items on my Wish List?

Speak of the Devil

It would appear that Brawny is trying to show Cherry that he's a strong manly man by carrying two bags at once (even though they look suspiciously like the bags you see at the store filled with those little plastic air pillows used to give you an idea of what they'd look like filled with actual stuff.  That, or he was just at the Lost Forest Gym.  Could he be in league with the Avians?  Is he going to spoil the whole get rid of Kelly plot?  Could that fly-by several strips back have meant more than I thought it did?)  The good thing is that Cherry doesn't look like she's too impressed.  It could be that she's too busy making a rock, or a giant ashtray, out of the giant piece of modeling clay she discovered, or perhaps she's trying to make a golem-like creature that she'll be bringing to life shortly in order to deal with the Kelly problem (and the Brawny problem if he keeps this up.)

Look everyone, it's Mark, Rusty, and Andy!  I guess Andy needed a vacation too after that daring rescue mission he got volunteered for.  Still, Mark isn't letting the camping trip get in the way of his duties.  That's why he's checking out the teeth of the fish in the river running through Lost Forest.  I bet his bag there is filled with little fish dentures and water resistant denture adhesives for the fish who've lost all their teeth.  What a guy.

Dashed hopes

Okay, so hoping for invisible dogs was probably asking a little too much from this comic.  Still, it would have been funny to see our ne'erdowells walking around with those leashes you can usually buy at the fair.  Oh well.  My consolation is that instead of just regular dogs, they're going to be using demon dogs (possibly two-headed demon dogs).  I'd keep my hands away from their mouths though.  You never know what's going on behind those angry, angry pupil-less eyes.  I can't wait to see how this one plays out.  How will they be foiled?  Hot dogs?  Sausages?  Snausages?  Rawhide?  A cat?  A squeaky toy?

And on a side note: Remember kids, be careful around sharp objects and pointy corners because it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Mountain cats are on the move. Mountain cats are loose!

How convenient that Moss just happened to be the one to see the mountain lion, and that he happened to tell Cherry that he saw it while they were both within earshot of Kelly, and how quickly it went from it might be a lioness with cubs to it is a lioness with cubs.  I mean, sure, footage of a lone mountain lion is great, but footage of a mountain lion with cubs, that's irresistible.  I guess the bear was just a little too big for surveillance work in the more open areas (maybe he's going off to tell Mark what's going on), and the goats are more suited to the actual mountains (which could mean that we'll be seeing them later if our little group of travelers ever makes it to the mountains), so it's up to the stealthy mountain lions to keep track of our travelers.  I think this is building up to something here.  I also think that maybe Moss brought along a couple of extra hats for this trip since the one he's wearing seems to be fitting his head much better than it has been.  (Maybe it's the kind of hat that stretches out the longer you wear it, like a pair of shoes.)

Happy trails.

I guess Moss is waving his lasso at the horse to get it moving, but it still looks like he's playing a game of giant, live-action ring toss.  The horse looks sad to be leaving.  She really wanted to help, but got injured along the way through no fault of her own.  Poor thing will probably be reminded of that fact every time the story is told.

Don't be afraid for Faline and her doe friend.  They're in no danger.  The animals of the forest have put aside their differences (and predator-prey tendencies) in order to get rid of Kelly (and to a lesser extent, Brawny).  The deer are just there to distract their quarry while the bobcat, cougar, mountain lion, whatever, sneaks up from behind.  Of course, if I were those deer, I'd make sure that I was out of sight when Kelly and Brawny are finally dealt with.  Sure, the allegiances will hold during the plan, but once it's been carried out, there's no telling how soon things will go back to normal.

Oh, the suspense!

So Tracy has determined that they can't rely on the high-tech gadgetry and have to resort to actual police work.  Shirl there doesn't seem too pleased about that, and why should she be?  Look how much her teapot form has improved.  Someday she may even be able to start work on tackling the intricate finger work of The Itsy Bitsy Spider, but not if her time is taken up with police work.  What do they think that is, her job?

And please, please, let the new partners in crime be invisible dogs.  Or alligators.  Invisible dogs or alligators.

The future is now.

I'm not sure if I should be amazed or terrified.  The next step in comic evolution has just taken place, and it's happened in a Mary Worth comic.  Thought bubbles are now having thought bubbles.  Does this mean all genuine thoughts from comics characters are in danger of being replaced by the erratic whims of thought bubbles no longer content to simply broadcast what the character is thinking, forcing the character to say everything, marking the end of the private thought or plot?  (And will it have an effect on how soon the protagonist figures everything out?) 

Then again, it could be that Dr. Jeff here has bubble in bubble technology.  That would mean he's an advanced human.  An advanced human.  In the Mary Worth Universe.  I think I'd rather have the bubbles be alive.

Retribution

Apparently, the fracture isn't too bad, otherwise, I would think that Moss would take the horse back to where it could receive medical attention (possibly form Doc?), and not just let it go off on its own.  Also, I'm thinking that either the horses go up and down this trail on a pretty regular basis, or this particular horse is somehow a relative of Bill the Pony, and can find its way back no matter where it happens to be .  (Yay Bill!  Sorry, just me once more latching onto an incidental character in a movie.  He made it back safe, you know, but I guess the reunion would have made the movie all that much longer, and added another ending, not that that's a bad thing.)

If I were Cherry or Moss, I'd keep my distance from Kelly and Brawny.  That goat looks like he's on a mission (that, or has discovered a place on Earth where gravity no longer exists), and that mission can't be good for our two trouble makers.  (Hey, Brawny was holding the camera, so he's what you'd call an accomplice.)  I guess the poor mules are just going to have to pick up the slack, but if I were that pony, I might be thinking about heading back down the trail with the injured horse.  Sure, they didn't ride you before, but now they're down a saddle, and desperate times may call for desperate measures.

And on a somewhat related note, where's Mark?  Shouldn't we have at least gotten some sort of an update on his camping trip with Rusty by now?  (Maybe they cut the trip short and went into town to buy Moss a new hat since his seems to have shrunk.)

ABC Family salutes America

By showing a series of movies set in Britain,

Made in Britain,

About British People,

Based on a series of British books.

Nice :).

It's right up there with this gem from a few years back:

The Assassination of King Tut is brought to you by Oldsmobile.

Home sweet home.

If I could live in any fictional Old West town, I'd live in North Fork.

Happy Birthday!

Around this time last year, I rashly spent 50 cents on a geranium.  It's still alive.  I'm glad.

Dish

Snoops spelled backwards is spoons.

Many years ago

I choked during the jump rope competition at the Sixth Grade Track Meet.

That same day, my team almost won the co-ed tug of war.  It rained, and the grass was wet, so we had a hard time keeping our feet planted.  I still have the second place ribbon.  It's red.