The next line is "Never surrender."

Oh, Mockingjay Part One, your Galaxy Quest is showing.
I know it was a serious moment, and I wasn't supposed to laugh.
But the moment Coin said "We will never give up," I had to finish the line.
Really, you gave me no choice.

(Someone should also tell her that she reminded me of Dawn the police officer from The Walking Dead, and things didn't turn out so well for her.)

Why don't they ruin something that I don't care about next year?

It seems to be an unwritten rule that if there's a character or group of songs that I love, they have to be played and sung by someone who really can't sing and saps the life out of the role.

Maybe it would be better if you don't say anything at all.

Or think anything.
And I know I shouldn't, but I love watching those guys work.

Don't call it daycare.

It's more like assisted living for the magical set.

I don't think it's old or oak, but it definitely just appeared.

The room has one door.
Well, technically two, but that second one is tricky.
One.
Now it has two.
Three.
And it shouldn't.
Maybe it's friends with the stairs.

Why do you ask?

No, I didn't just yell at the clipboard.

I didn't just tell that character he was being stupid.

Nope.

Not at all.

Maybe.

But truthfully, he deserved it, and anyone else would have done the same.

Wait...what?

When did he ever tell you to do that?
Weren't you going there anyway?
To do that?
Why are you now saying that he sent you?
What were you thinking, brain?

Red.

So much red.
All over the page.
And my hand.
And this is only the third pen.
I hope there's something left when this is all over.
(I'm pretty sure there will be.)

It's time to de-escalate the situation.

Somewhere between Book One and Two, stairs appeared.
I have no idea why.

Everyone else may treat him like he's made of glass and liable to break.

His brother will not.

The thing to remember is that this is nowhere near the end.

It's more like standing before a block of stone, trying to figure out where the statue is.

I don't think I hit the jugular.

But I've definitely found a vein.

(Pens, people.  I'm taking about pens.  Of the red variety.  And the many marks this first one has been making.)

Forget the pens.

Break out the cleaver and the axe.

Grab your pens, boys and girls.

The Big Red Edit of Book Two is about to begin.
Here's hoping it doesn't take as long as Book One.
And that I get rid of all of the words I need to.
Though that will probably take more drafts.
And tinkering.
So much tinkering.

The map is lost.

Redrawing the map.
Too bad people can't just look into my head.
It's all there.
It all makes sense.
Someone tell the paper that.
And the pencil.
I swear they're working against me.

Corrections made.

And print.
Good.
I'm ready to look at Two now.
And start all over again.
And maybe let some people read One.
I've taken it as far as I can by myself.
And I think I'm ready.
Maybe.

Typing in the corrections.

Finding a few more along the way.

Dearest Nature,

When packing for the trip, I did not intend for a bird to poop on me on the way to the Prado.  It threw my shirt count off and was terribly inconvenient.  While I would rather it didn't, if this is to happen again, do let me know in advance so that I may plan for it.

Respectfully yours,
The Weary Traveler

Read, marked, done.

I think.
Now to type in the changes.
Then comes the scary part.
Letting people read it.
(Is anyone else having a panic attack?)

I blame the missing the.

I was just going to read it.
Then I saw that missing the and really couldn't leave it like that.
So I wrote it in.
Then I saw other things.
Needless to say, the pages are being marked.
Again.
But not nearly as much as the last time.
And some pages aren't marked at all.
So I'm succeeding.
Sort of.
Maybe.
But I just can't leave those mistakes there because I might not find them again.

Sunshine, rainbows, and puppies need not apply.

Apparently this is the week to write the depressing/heart breaking parts of some of these stories.

Goody.

(Though I'll admit, it has been quite informative.)

Done.

Twelve pages.
Three or so days.
I think it's where it needs to be now.
Maybe.
So now it's done.
But maybe not.
Because I'm so close to that word count I was aiming for.
Because one more pass would put me there.
Easily.
I think.
Then again,
Reading it through might show a problem or two,
Which would also affect the word count.
Dang.
I just don't know.
Oh heck, I'm probably going to print it.

The end.

Now get back to the beginning.
Those twelve pages aren't going to fix themselves.

I didn't know she had a sister.

New Thor, meet Jet Valkyrie, a woman.
Yeah, I can see the resemblance, too.

Can Big Shot and the Mighty Agrippa, Roman God of the Aqueduct, be far behind?

Why didn't you love me, mom?

Sweet potato pie!

I'm pretty sure Lydia Karaoke works at Marvel now.

She did some focus group work that clearly shows they can salvage the comic by skewing the demographics toward 12-year-old females.

Or they just decided to do it because they've done it in the past.
I don't have any problems with it.
What I have problems with is the fact that they gave her boob plate.
That and the fact that, much like Brad Pitt in Troy, one look told me exactly how and where to kill her.

Oh dear.

As much as I love that line, you can't say it because you shouldn't know.
Sorry.

They probably wouldn't even let me into the theater.

Another movie, another reason to bring a roll of duct tape to shut the little children up.
And if it isn't a talker, it's a seat kicker.
Not that adults are much better.
All I want to know is how do they keep finding me?
And why do they sit behind me when I get there first.
Frankly, that alone should give me some sort of power to stop them.

I didn't know they had those in ancient Egypt.

Was I the only one happy to see that despite all of the upgrading and updating, Apocalypse still has a thing for blue popsicles?
I didn't think so.

Goodbye, scene.

You weren't doing much,
Now you're doing nothing.

I guess it was memorable.

The comment cut several drafts back has returned.
I guess my brain hadn't given up on it.
I'm glad.
It flows very nicely into the next sentence.
Hopefully it will continue to survive.

Ha, ha. Very funny, sir.

No, there is no character walking behind him saying that.
Except in my mind.

Wow, that got dark.

I'd forgotten what was in that file.
I'd forgotten what happened.
I'd forgotten some of it, but not all.
And it still didn't answer my question.
Because most of the names look like this: ____________
Except for the few that I know who they are.
But what I was looking for wasn't about them.
Maybe he isn't in there yet.
But I think he is.
Somewhere.

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does.

I know that it was just an incidental scene, and those characters don't matter much, but the Morphling's death could have had a much greater impact if they'd actually shown them painting each other instead of the one throwing up.  It would have made the lady's death actually mean something.  As it stands, having Peeta tell her to look at the sky really doesn't mean anything unless you've read the books, and I think that's a shame, and a mistake that could have been easily rectified especially after they had him paint the floor.

Yeah, we'll be coming back to those.

The first twelve pages.
What was that all about?
Thank goodness whatever it was cleared itself up.
Nothing like starting off with a good soul crushing.
But I had to move on.
I went over it twice.
It's better now, and I'm sure it's not really as bad as I think it is.
Or it won't be after I go over it again.
And again.
And maybe again.
Probably again.

Now commencing Project Story Time.

I feel like I should be sitting on the edge of a carpet circle.

Don't forget Bill.

Over the course of drawing all of those birds into the trees, I became Bob Ross.

I had no idea that birds could live such interesting lives,

Or have such aspirations,

Or be named Phyllis.

Draft Six Complete.

Chaptering complete.

Operation Story Time soon to commence.

You're not really misunderstood, are you?

No.
No he's not.

Forget the whispering.

I wanted to see Robert Redford do the full Hydra salute.
But it was probably in his contract that he didn't have to.
Or maybe something like this happened on set:
"Okay, Robert, after you say that line, we want you to salute like this."
"No."
"But-"
"Make Shandling do it."
"We don't think he can raise his arms, and he might have had a stroke, but you-"
"No."
"I knew we should have tried to get Voight."

I think the kingdom might be in trouble.

After all, they could only afford one bike for two princesses.

(I guess that answers the question of why no one tried to invade.)

I'm sorry dear, but you can't be cut.

Sure, you just have a brief walk-on role here, but in the next book you have a pretty important one.
How did you even end up cut in the first place?

Perhaps the real question should be what kind of cap is it?

How exactly does one throw a cap around their shoulders?
Use some sort of hula hoop contraption?
Wear something similar to a Skip-It around their neck with a cap attached to the end?
Get caught in the center of a tornado?
Magic?
String?
Be in front of a green screen with a bunch of green people tossing it around?
Develop some sort of a gravitational field/orbit?
Wear a second hat that's connected to the first so that when you walk it swings around the body?
Drone technology?
A malfunctioning boomerang?
Carrier pigeon?
Hummingbird?
Forget to type the letter e?

(I just don't know, but I'm positive it's not the last one.)

I'd say that's a little passive-aggressive.

Why did you close the spyglass when you knew the person you handed it to was going to use it?
Is there something you're not telling me?
What did he do now?

So it begins...again.

Two weeks turned into over a month.

The break is now over.

It's time to start reading.

And cutting.

And hoping that things still make sense.

And most of all hoping that this isn't a train wreck.

I would also like to hear a dramatic reading of the Preamble.

Should a new Star Trek movie be made, it is my wish that the Klingons be referred to as Klingons, Kling-Ins, and Kling-Gons, as though no one has actually gone to the trouble of finding out the correct pronunciation, much like the Princess Leia/Leah thing from Star Wars.  (And there I go, throwing them both into the same post.  I know.  Blasphemy.  Oh well.)

I would also like them to wear black mock turtlenecks under gold mesh jerseys and have slicked back hair.  That way we'll know who they are and that they're not nice people/aliens/whatevers.  And if Scotty could get into a bar fight with one of them because they insulted the Enterprise, that would be great, and I would definitely watch.

However, should they decide that the Enterprise has to save the whales, I can assure you that I will not be watching.  Once was more than enough.

(But if there was a monster that looked like it was made of carpet samples and fake vomit, I would definitely watch that movie.)

This has nothing to do with anything.

If you knew someone was going to die at the end of a book you haven't read, but might in the future, would you still read the book?
What if it was a series?

It isn't the fact that he was cast as Lex Luthor that bothers me,

It's the fact that they're going to put Lex Luthor in yet another Superman movie.
Frankly, at this point it seems like taking the easy way out.
I mean, they do realize that there are other villains in the Superman universe besides Lex and the Kryptonians, right?
What about Brainiac?
Or anyone else?

Why do I feel like I watched a completely different movie?

I've held off on this because, well, I don't know why, but I have.  Now, if you haven't seen Frozen, you might not want to read this, and if you have and love it, you might not want to read this because I'm going to be honest here, and in my opinion, people don't always like that.  Anyway, if anyone is still there, here goes nothing.

I saw Frozen, and walked out of the theater thinking that it was okay.  It was fine.  I liked it.  I don't know if I'm going to buy it, but I liked it.  It was serviceable.  It reminded me a lot of Tangled.

I'll start at the end with a simple question: how far away do you have to depart from a story before you don't have to mention the source material?   Now granted, I will admit that I have only read a summary of The Snow Queen, but from what I read, it looks like someone saw the title, thought, "Hey, that's a good idea!" and then flipped through the story once, scribbling down the things they liked before tossing the book aside, but hey, it's a Disney film, so of course there were going to be some changes, which leads me to the plot holes.  (Plot holes?  In a Disney movie?  Perish the thought!)

The first is that they never actually show Elsa mastering her powers.  In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that they always controlled her.  Sure, she made a castle, a snazzy new outfit, and a giant snowman guard, but even she admitted that she couldn't stop the snow.  Then, at the very end, using the power of love or something, she is finally able to control them, maybe, even though they don't show her learning to control them, relying instead on a quick wrap up of "Hey look, she stopped it...time passes...hey look, she seems to be in control now."  Frankly, if I lived in that kingdom, I'd probably be thinking about leaving or investing in warmer socks because she still seems to be one hissy fit away from freezing everyone again.

The second hole appears near the beginning, right after the thought "And another Disney orphan is created" passed through my mind.  Now, I'm all for idealized kingdoms and happiness, but really, who was watching the kingdom while the Princesses were moping and crashing about the palace?  Are we to assume that the surrounding kingdoms just left them alone?  I mean, if it were me, I'd be knocking on the door with a battering ram and an army shortly after finding out that the King and Queen were dead.  The way they showed it, there didn't seem to be anyone running the kingdom.  No councils.  No advisors.  No regents.  No Aunts or Uncles who just want to take care of things until Elsa came of age.  I mean, if Disney really wanted to be groundbreaking, they could have had a council or advisor or relative that didn't try to steal the crown, but I guess if they had, it would have put a damper on old Hans's plans as someone else would have been left in charge.  Ah well, I could spend forever on the plot holes, but I won't.  Instead, I'll move on to the snowman.

Oh, Olaf.  I get it, it's a kid's movie, but honestly, there were times where all I could think was, "He's not really necessary here, is he?"  I guess in the end, he feels more like padding than anything else, like they felt the story wasn't strong enough to stand on its own, so they thought, "That reindeer who really reminds me of Max from Tangled but definitely isn't Max from Tangled because Max was smart, isn't pulling his weight, but hey, kids like snowmen, let's have one of those."  I don't know.  Lots of people love him.  I just found that he wore on me after a while.  Perhaps it's because I have no heart and hate warm hugs, which brings me to what this story is really about: love.

Ah yes, the love story and all of the cheering that followed and all of the people who pointed at it and said, "See, see, she didn't end up with that Prince guy.  She didn't have to depend on true love.  She don't need no man."  (Except for Kristoff.  They never seem to mention that she had sort of fallen for the other guy by the end, but whatever.)   While it's true that Anna set off to retrieve/find her sister on her own, portraying the strong willed princess breaking down the barriers placed around her by society blah, blah, blah, girl power, let's be totally honest here, she was coming back to marry that prince, who, due to circumstances beyond his control, was forced to play his cards a little too soon.  So sure, she didn't have Insta-Love, but really, how many days did she spend with Kristoff?  One?  Two?  The love between sisters is great, but in the end, she was still going to have her man.

Finally, we come to all of the supposed messages hidden within the story and the animation.  Things that people would say they saw only after the third viewing.  Things that, frankly, if you weren't specifically looking for them, you wouldn't see (because a big strapping man can't have a big strapping son and a normal sized wife).  I'm not going to get into any of them because, well, the moment I'd start, someone would probably find this and call me all sorts of names and whatnot.  Besides, I've probably already said enough to warrant being flambéed, so I'll just end with this question: If I have to watch a kid's movie several times in order to see the messages, are they actually there?

So there you have it.  Looking back, it sounds like I hated the movie.  I didn't.  I liked it, but I didn't love it.  I don't know.  Maybe I saw a completely different movie than everyone else.  Maybe I couldn't relate because I don't have a sister.  Maybe I wasn't willing to overlook some things and those things kept jerking me out of the story.  Whatever the case, these were my thoughts and you are free to agree or disagree as I am with you.

(And I applaud anyone who actually made it to the end.  Bravo.)

Movie Moments XXVI: Good Oral Hygiene Is Very Important

Resurrected from the dead, I'd like to thank Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 for a little moment that always makes me laugh during a movie that I know I probably shouldn't.  What moment is that, you ask?  Should I be laughing at all during this movie?  That, I don't know, but I do know that I laugh, or at least smile, every time I see the Malfoys walk away right after it's revealed that Harry is still alive, and if you're in my head, or sitting next to me, you'll likely hear something like this:

"Oh my, look at the time.  We'd love to stay, but Draco has a dentist appointment and he mustn't be late.  After all, we don't want his teeth to end up like Bellatrix's."

"In fact, we all have dentist appointments, so I'm afraid that we really must go.  Come along, Draco."

"We're really terribly sorry about this.  It won't happen again.  Do let us know how everything turns out."

What can I say?  I'm laughing just reading it again.

I'm not tired at all. Why do you ask?

I listened to that three-and-a-half minute song for fifteen minutes because I wanted to.
It certainly wasn't because I'd accidentally left iTunes on repeat and only realized my mistake when I looked to see why it was taking the soundtrack so long to get going.

Another draft complete.

Another 116 pages cut.
Another 60,762 words cast into the ether.

And now it's time to take a much deserved break and read some books before it all starts again.

We're close to the end...again.

So very close.
And once we get there, I'm taking a break.
For two weeks.
Or more.
Or less.
But I need one.
I've been staring at this thing for a year now.
It might be time to give it a rest.
For now.
There's still those last 70 pages to get through.
But once I do, I'll do something else.
For a while.
But not forever.

I think the trips are getting to me.

Why else during that song in Frozen when I saw all of the plates would I think, "Porcelain?  You eat off of porcelain?  Haven't you any gold or silver?  Is the kingdom in trouble?  Should I be worried?"