So I was thinking...

Nice of you to show up, Phil.

2012-01-24T16:00:00.005-05:00

Now imagine that coming from a squirrel.
Decorating a Christmas tree.

I don't know what it means either.

2012-01-22T17:37:00.003-05:00

Frustration gives way to answer.

Sure, he's awake now, but still...

2012-01-21T16:31:00.000-05:00

I don't know whether to thank you,
Or give you a good smack upside the head.
Stupid old man.
You have no idea what you've just done.

Huh.

2012-01-17T17:09:00.005-05:00

It certainly got dark in here while I was typing.
Apparently I don't look too often at the letters on the keys.
I also don't seem to pay attention to the light.
I guess I was just in my own little world for a moment there.
(And I have to say that it's definitely lighter there, though possibly just as cloudy.)

It happens every year...

2012-01-14T21:36:00.003-05:00

Maybe if their team had been allowed to win once in a while,
they wouldn't have felt the need to burn the quidditch pitch.

Oh dear.

2012-01-14T21:34:00.000-05:00

I kind of forgot about you, didn't I?
And you too?
Oh my.

Let not the monster comment fool you.

2012-01-13T15:40:00.001-05:00

For I do love it so.

The monster has been printed.

2012-01-12T15:12:00.002-05:00

Time to make it bleed.

Just let it fall.

2012-01-09T09:00:00.001-05:00

Happy Exploding Coffee Cup Awareness Day!

Well, you see Sir...

2012-01-04T18:09:00.000-05:00

http://www.lilformers.com/index.php/2008/10/13/lil-formers-118-gargoyles-tng/

Funny,

2012-01-04T18:02:00.002-05:00

Needles turns into needless so easily,
but that doesn't mean it makes sense when it does.

You mean she didn't really wear that?

2012-01-04T17:46:00.003-05:00

I thought the little girl's shirt said Furniture Humanitarian, not Future Humanitarian.

I'll admit, I'm a little sad to be wrong about this one.

I found the idea of a Furniture Humanitarian far more interesting.

Long live The Ottoman Empire!

(That would be a little Tick reference for those of you who care.)

You mean she might not really be saying that?

2012-01-03T10:45:00.014-05:00

Even though it might be wrong because they seem to censor it sometimes,
I still think Adele's saying that she'll lay your ship bare.
I have no idea what it means, but I'll take it.
It sounds very nautical.

Happy New Year.

2012-01-01T16:05:00.003-05:00

It needs to be a lot better than the old one or there are going to be words (and maybe pictures).
Here's hoping for the best.

I guess that means I'm not committed, or maybe I'm just a traitor to everything.

2011-12-30T11:33:00.037-05:00

It has come to my attention that if I do not agree with a musician, actor, artist, etc., I am not supposed to like what they do, or buy what they do, or see what they do, or pay any sort of attention to what they do. I am, however, supposed to get irrationally mad, make all sorts of comments about them and the people who do like them, and destroy everything I have that pertains to them. Okay, see, I'm not going to do that. If I liked them in the past, then I will still like that past. If I got enjoyment out of the product in the past and still do, I'm not going to suddenly turn my back on what I liked just because things have changed. The person who made it really won't care one way or the other, and in all honesty never knew I liked it and doesn't even know that I exist. The truth is, in the grand scheme of things, I don't matter and never did. Therefore, the only person I'm hurting with a ban is myself and I find that a mite bit stupid, don't you? You're right, you're right, I'm living in a dream world, but I like it here...most of the time anyway, and it's where I've got all of my stuff and I really don't want to have to pack...

Wait, what was I talking about again?

Anyway, back to the topic. Just because I don't agree with someone, it doesn't mean that I'm going to stop buying what they're selling if I still like it, and if it turns out that I don't like it anymore, well, then I wouldn't be buying it whether or not I agreed with them. I guess when you get right down to it, for most things my mind just separates the work from the person, and if I still like it, I'll buy, and if I don't, I won't, which I guess is what I just said in the previous sentence. Oh well. Now, I know that some people will say that because I am still buying it, I am supporting that person and what they believe and what they say, and that might be true. That percent of a cent that they'll get from me might buy a consonant or a vowel, and I can only hope that they use it wisely, but in reality I'm not buying whatever it is they're selling for them, I'm buying it for me. That's not to say that the thought of them won't cross my mind, it just probably won't be the deciding factor for whether or not I make that purchase. Cold hard cash will. Besides, I've held enough grudges, I don't need to add any more to the list. Frankly, I think I lost it somewhere and I don't want to have to write it up again. Some things deserve to be lost even if they're not quite ready to be forgotten.

Merry Christmas.

2011-12-25T09:43:00.002-05:00

That is all.

I finally figured it out.

2011-12-15T19:30:00.007-05:00

The quote in my head came from The Twilight Zone episode "A Piano in the House."

(There used to be a better video here with the whole episode, but apparently it's been taken down. However, I did find this one. We'll see how long it lasts.)

I guess I condensed the final scenes into one in my head, but this is definitely where it came from.
Boy, am I glad it wasn't Sailor Moon...again.

No, Benny!

2011-12-15T19:28:00.004-05:00

Not the ragtime!

I had no idea this was a Christmas song.

2011-12-15T19:12:00.001-05:00

What I've realized, after repeated listenings, is that Mannheim Steamroller's version of "Deck the Halls" can easily be turned into an epic song about Mary and her little lamb.

Now that you've heard it, just try reading this without singing along :):

Mary had a little lamb.

Little, little lamb.

A little lamb!

(And if I have enough time and boredom, I'll write the rest of it up, too.)

I bet they regret turning down that sheet music.

2011-12-15T15:40:00.009-05:00

Lately at work, they've been playing a version of "White Christmas" in which the singers don't sing any words.
Therefore, in the spirit of giving, I've taken it upon myself to come up with some lyrics:

We forgot the words to this song.
We thought we knew them but we don't.
So we'll have to mumble,
And please don't grumble.
This is the only job we've got.

That should get you through the first part. Repeat as necessary.
(I hope they like them, and if I have more time, I'll come up with a few more.)

It's also the bad news.

2011-12-14T20:06:00.000-05:00

The good news is that I finally know what happens to that character.
He no longer just sort of disappears.
And now that I do, I am so very sorry, but it's integral to the plot.
Still, sorry.

Apparently, his name is Rodney.

2011-12-13T20:05:00.000-05:00

But I know him better as a cuddly reindeer.
(Not to be confused with the book.)
He's the first one I've bought on my own.
The others came from Burger King and live with my parents.
I'll admit, he was an impulse purchase, but was definitely worth it.
After all, how often do you see a cuddly reindeer in an earflap cap?
(How often do you see cuddly reindeer at all?)

So it's almost Christmas.

2011-12-12T19:47:00.000-05:00

I guess.
At least the shopping is done.
I'm just not feeling it this year.
But I'm still trying.
Maybe it'll have taken by the 25th.
(And if it hasn't, well I guess it will be too late to do anything about it.)

Fun, just fun.

2011-12-06T10:11:00.002-05:00

Watch yourself, old man.

2011-12-05T10:48:00.003-05:00

His father is not going to like this.
And the less said about his mother, the better.
Of course, first they have to find out.
But they will.

Thus ends our tale,

2011-12-04T16:15:00.004-05:00

And what a magical journey it's been.

(But now it's time to return to Chicago and see what that other wizard named Harry has been up to.)

Do you think they'd be friends, or would they just try to kill each other?

2011-12-02T17:11:00.009-05:00

Sometimes Voldemort reminds me a lot of Thulsa Doom from Conan the Barbarian. I think that's why I currently have this little quote snippet running laps in my head, courtesy of everyone's favorite shapeshifting cult leader:

"You broke into my house, stole my property, murdered my servants, and my PETS! And that is what grieves me the most! You killed my snake."

You know, if those two ever met, if they didn't immediately try to kill each other, and if it didn't interfere with their various nefarious plans, I think they'd get along rather well.

Then again, maybe not.

(There's also the problem that they're both dead, but you never know...)

You're just realizing this now?

2011-12-02T17:09:00.002-05:00

You know what? Voldemort is kind of a jerk.

But I think Bob would be pleased.

2011-11-30T14:27:00.002-05:00

The tree I just drew has a serious hitch in its giddy-up.
Still, I might just keep the crooked little dear.

(Yes, I'm still drawing those snowy trees. Only three more to go, though.)

But where's the heart?

2011-11-30T14:20:00.000-05:00

I think I've done something wrong.
According to the stores, it looks like I should be decorating using one of two color combinations:
Red and white, or silver and white.
I've got those colors in my decorations, but I've also got a lot more because that's what Christmas is about.
A splash of color in a snow-white world.
Not that there's anything wrong with a color coordinated tree.
Or using only a few colors.
Or being all sophisticated.
It's just not necessarily my cup of tea.
Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that I prefer the less dignified Christmas.
The homey Christmas.
The handmade Christmas.
The Christmas where you drag out the art projects you made in elementary school.
And the ancient ornaments, some of which might be a little broken, or cobbled together, but are still good.
And the neat looking things that you just had to buy because they made you laugh in the store.
You know, the Christmas with heart.
Then again, I am one of those people who prefer the multicolored lights and a good helping of tinsel.
I guess I'm just not cut out for the sophisticated Christmas.
That's okay.
A sophisticated Christmas is no place for an octopus or a t-rex, and it wouldn't be Christmas without them.

What about first minute shopping?

2011-11-29T19:40:00.005-05:00

I keep hearing about last minute gift ideas.
You mean I was supposed to have started shopping already?
And now be almost finished?
Surely not.
Surely I'm supposed to be starting now.
Or maybe waiting another week or so.
We're nowhere near last minute gift idea time.
That's what you call the day or two before Christmas.
Isn't it?

Technically, it was right.

2011-11-21T15:28:00.005-05:00

The only fortune that's ever come true was the one that said my current plants would succeed.
I think it was a typo.
Still, all of my plants are alive.
Even Frank.

Sorry champ, but perhaps you should look in this mirror.

2011-11-18T10:55:00.010-05:00

The kid who just asked his mom if she enjoyed being conventional and uniform is the same kid wearing baggy shorts, skater shoes, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap set daringly aslant.
(Maybe he thinks that the Justin Bieber hair cut is the thing setting him apart.)

Shouldn't you also be wearing curlers and a housecoat?

2011-11-18T10:52:00.007-05:00

The fact that your slippers have hard soles doesn't mean you should wear them when you go shopping.

I've got the idea.

2011-11-16T14:26:00.000-05:00

I just need the motivation.
Soon, though.
Soon.
Now where's that dictionary...

I are a robot.

2011-11-16T14:21:00.003-05:00

I will say this once and then not speak of it again...maybe. I am morally opposed to stores opening at midnight on Black Friday, and don't even get me started on the ones opening on Thanksgiving night. I think that it is disrespectful to the employees and is essentially telling them that they do not matter and that they do not deserve to have a holiday. I also think that there's no reason to and that sure, if you don't, people will be mad because they can't buy something that they're just going to return anyway, but frankly, people don't need reasons to be mad these days. They just are. They don't need any excuses to act like spoiled children and treat employees like they aren't really people. They just do. And if stores open at midnight (and at least one seems to be opening at 10 on Thanksgiving), then what's to stop them from just being open on Thanksgiving and saying, hey, find time to get with your family some other day...oh wait, you can't ask for any days off between now and Christmas. Oh well. How do you feel about Thanksgiving in February?

(And before you get up on your high horses, I have had to work on Thanksgiving and it basically ruined the day and I missed out on my family and now that four out of the eight people who were there are now dead, they're memories that I'll never get back or get to have again.)
(And frankly, if they do that, who's to stop them from being open until midnight on Christmas Eve? Family, it's overrated, right? I'm not actually supposed to have one, right? Holidays are for other people. I guess I missed that memo.)

No, I don't want to save.

2011-11-11T13:32:00.004-05:00

Not when, upon opening the file, I see that the three pages I just wrote are now blank when I know full well that they shouldn't be, considering that they're in the middle of the file. So no, when I'm asked if I want to save the changes when I haven't even changed anything, or typed anything for that matter, I don't want to save those changes. I want to see if closing the file and opening it again will give those lost words back to me. That part was hard enough to write the first time. I don't want to write it again.

(Thankfully, it worked. I think it's time to backup, not that I haven't been all along.)

Happy Nigel Tufnel Day!

2011-11-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

Break out the green skeleton shirts and turn it up to eleven.

Wish I'd seen that.

2011-11-08T15:57:00.016-05:00

They're called sundogs, or parhelia if you want to get technical.
I just think they're neat.

(And if you haven't been checking out Astronomy Picture of the Day, you should start now.)

I really didn't want to do this.

2011-11-08T15:53:00.010-05:00

But I thought it was too funny to miss...and if I put it off, I'd forget.

I'm going mad, I tell you, mad!

2011-11-06T20:20:00.000-05:00

A quote has lodged itself in my brain and refuses to leave. I don't know where it's from, but I have a feeling that I am in possession of the movie/television show it comes from. The worst part is, I don't really even have a clear idea of where it happens, so I can't pin it down. All I know is that I think it takes place within a group of people, and it happens right after someone really freaks out and asks them all why they aren't laughing and then, when someone finally speaks up, they say, in a very calm, low, maybe even sinister (though that one could just be me) voice, "You're just not funny anymore." I have no idea where it's from, but it's been running laps in my head for a while now. I hope it goes away soon, or that I remember where it comes from and can put an end to this madness.

(And as of this moment, I'm not even sure that that's the exact phrase seeing as how all my searches have failed.)

Unless it tastes like pie.

2011-11-02T09:44:00.004-04:00

I'm starting to think that pumpkin juice isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I think I'm going to be sick.

2011-11-01T22:07:00.004-04:00

Last night, at 11:30 p.m., they played the first Christmas song at work.

(For the curious, it was "Santa Baby" by Madonna. They could have at least picked a good song.)

I think I'd rather stay dirty.

2011-10-31T14:35:00.006-04:00

The worst place to be caught in a zombie invasion would be in the middle of a shower. First of all, you're in a tiny room, generally one with no, or very small, windows, so you're essential trapped, and one can only do so much with a plunger or toilet brush, and unless you have a straight razor, there isn't much to use to fight with, unless the zombie is deathly afraid of spearmint. Second, you'll be wet, and while that might seem like an advantage in that you'd be slippery and the zombie would have trouble catching you, it also might mean that you could slip and fall, or be caught and slip out only to crash into the wall. Basically, it seems like a good way to prolong the suffering rather than shorten, or avoid it. Third, you're not going to be wearing any clothes, and while that fact might not matter initially, later, like less than a minute after you're safe, you'll probably become pretty self-conscious about it, and since you were just attacked by a zombie it isn't like you can just pop into the bedroom and get some decent attire. Nope, you'll pretty much be stuck in your birthday suit. You might have time to grab a coat on the way out, but honestly, how many people have long coats just sitting by the door? Then there's the weather. It could be cold, but it's not like you could stay in the house, what with a zombie in there and all, unless you've left a baseball or cricket bat right outside the door and all you need to do is to get to it and get rid of the zombie, but really, why wouldn't you have taken it into the bathroom with you? Even if you did, though, bathrooms can be tight, so you might not be able to get a good swing off, which means that you still might end up zombie chow. I guess really the only way to get cleaned up, if that's what you want, though I'm still a little torn about whether zombies have a good sense of smell, or are attracted to the scent of spring flowers or melon, is to employ the buddy system and have someone guard the door. That way, if the zombie does attack, they'll either get the person on the other side of the door first, and maybe, just maybe, that person will be enough and the zombie will shamble off with a full tummy to someplace else, or they'll be dead. Either way, you'll be clean. If that's what you really want.

So what's next?

2011-10-31T10:37:00.022-04:00

Vampires seem to be running out of steam.
They're turning into yesterday's news.
Soon they won't be nearly as visible as they once were.
At least, that's my opinion.
And sooner or later, zombies will join them.
Sure, they're hot right now, but sooner or later people are going to get tired of seeing them.
So who will be the next monster to take the reins?
Werewolves?
Frankenstein?
A mummy?
No, wait.
That one already has a series.
How about Bigfoot?
It has been a while since Harry and the Hendersons.
Maybe it's due for a comeback.
Me, I'm rooting for a Creature from the Black Lagoon type monster.
I think that one's due, and most people seem to forget about the poor guy.
Yeah, that's what I want to see.
I probably won't, though.
I don't think it's safe enough.
But I think that with the right story, it could be pretty darn neat.
So here's to you.
See you on the big screen, Gill-Man.

But probably not.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T10:36:00.003-04:00

Go forth and be scary.
(But not scary as in "That guy should be arrested," scary. Nobody needs that.)

I don't trust this guy.

2011-10-30T19:38:00.005-04:00

But I trust him even less because I know what he's done.
Oh, you two...

I'd rather not buy it twice.

2011-10-28T11:13:00.002-04:00

I think that if you already own the album, you should be able to get the music videos for free.
You shouldn't have to buy the song again just because you like the video.
There should be a way to do it, either by including a code in the booklet, or by giving the music program the ability to find the song itself.
And yes, I do realize that the producers and whatnot who create the video would probably not go for this at all since it would essentially be giving away their work for free, unless the person didn't already own the song and just wanted to buy the video.
(And yes, I also realize that there will be those who don't buy the album and still get their hands on it and therefore get the video for free, but they were going to get that album for free anyway.)

The title of that file no longer makes sense.

2011-10-27T11:08:00.000-04:00

The war happened before this story started,
And I don't think there's one in this book.

I played last year, just to see if I could win.

2011-10-26T11:07:00.000-04:00

I don't think I'll play this year.
I keep running into walls.
And nameless people.
And plot holes.
Great, big plot holes.

It's only fair.

2011-10-24T10:59:00.000-04:00

Every month it seems like there's something new that you can die from, or some new cause to take up arms for (well, not literally take up arms for, but you know what I mean), and many, if not all of these, have their own ribbon. Yet, if you ask people, they'd probably come up with three right away (pink, red, and yellow), and then be at a loss to come up with anything else, possibly throwing out random colors but not knowing the causes associated with them. I think that there's an opportunity here to get the word out, and make a little money. Stores already sell things for breast cancer awareness and whatnot, so why not have a rotating collection of products promoting whatever that month is about. They wouldn't even have to go all out on the t-shirts and stuff, but could focus on things like pens, pencils, watches, ribbon pins, ties, bracelets, charms, beads, or other small items where the proceeds would go to that specific foundation/cause. That way, the cause/issue would be brought the forefront, if only for a month, and let's face it, some of these things really need curing, or at least supporting. You could also probably depend on there being at least one group of people who, if the pin, charm, or bead route was taken, would make it their mission to collect them all. Anyway, it's just a thought, and as the title says, it's only fair. One cause should not rule them all.

Battleship has a lot to live up to.

2011-10-23T15:05:00.000-04:00

The Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots movie was much better than I thought it would be.

Especially after the one robot got his block knocked off because well, I would have been very disappointed if it hadn't happened at least once.

All in all, I had a very good time watching the Rocky IV robot movie.

What?

You didn't see the connection?

It's there, and you could probably say that parts of the other Rocky movies are too.

That, and Thunderdome.

Huh.

I guess on second thought, this movie really was made for me.
Plus, there was that one scene where the robot did The Robot...

(I may just have to own this one.)

I won't say that life isn't fair.

2011-10-20T20:51:00.001-04:00

I'll only say that it should have warned me before I spent all of that money.

But I guess that's life, too.

We're going to need a lot of plywood. And nails. Lots of nails.

2011-10-17T10:15:00.008-04:00

Upon serious reflection, I have come to the conclusion that my apartment is ill-equipped to withstand a zombie invasion.

(Thanks a lot, The Walking Dead. I feel so safe now. Not that it'll stop me from watching. I just have to finish the bomb shelter first :).)

You know it's only a game, right? Right?

2011-10-14T12:23:00.004-04:00

People take things way too seriously these days.

Sports.

Politics.

Different ideas.

All so that they can find another way to hate someone else.

(Tell me it isn't true.)

(I wish it wasn't. Really I do.)

(I guess that's why tomorrow I'll be wearing a shirt chosen specifically because it is a color not found on the uniforms of either team.)

(I just don't want to deal with the morons who feel the need to point things out and make themselves feel superior by making others feel inferior.)

(You know who you are.)

(I hope.)

Of course he would know.

2011-10-13T17:14:00.001-04:00

That was the point of the letter, wasn't it?

A few more pieces have fallen into place.

2011-10-13T17:09:00.002-04:00

And a few more have fallen off the board.

I hope I don't need them.

But if I do, I'll just look on the floor.

Still wrestling with those darn snowy trees.

2011-10-09T17:52:00.003-04:00

But on the plus side, I finally know what Santa's going to look like.

Puppy!!!

2011-10-08T15:07:00.002-04:00

That's why I'm loading up on box sets and old movies.

2011-10-06T17:37:00.008-04:00

(And really, anymore these days, aren't they all?)

I don't think you're saying what you think you're saying.

2011-10-04T10:05:00.019-04:00

Store songs. The background noise of the shopping experience. The same tunes that seem to pop up wherever you go. How annoying they can be. Confusing too. But only if you've actually taken the time to listen to the lyrics, which, for the most part, most shoppers probably haven't, which is probably for the best. Otherwise, I'm not sure that they'd want to shop anymore. But hey, at least we've got some research that proves that these songs work, or at least seem to. Still, if you hear them enough times, there comes a point where you start to actually listen to the lyrics, and it is at this point when you, or at least I, start to wonder just why they picked that particular song, and if the picker or the songwriter knew what they were doing when it was picked or created. I hope the writer did, but you never know. Sometimes somebody sees something one way and someone else sees it another. It happens. Trust me on that. That's why I've decided to narrow in on three of the songs that always make me wonder just what was going on when they were chosen. I'm sure there are more. I know there are more, but these three always stand out to me for one reason or another, so for the sake of brevity, I'm sticking with them, unless I go into work today and another one catches my ear.

The first of the tragic trio that I've selected is "I Will Be Waiting," by Daphne Willis. On the outside, this song has a nice upbeat tune. It's bouncy and unassuming and just makes you want to walk around. At least it did at first. Then, after the nine hundredth time hearing it, I started paying attention and things got a little crazy, or at least the song did. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Maybe there really is nothing more romantic than locking up your significant other, but really, after listening to it enough times, I can't help but picture someone in a dark house, waiting by a door for someone else to come inside, and once they do, the door will be slammed shut, the lock clicked into place, and escape impossible. Cheery. Then again, maybe I'm listening to it the wrong way. Maybe it's just about the loss of a relationship. Maybe it's just about that longing for things to go back to happier times. Then again, maybe I'm right and it is kind of creepy, but not outwardly creepy. Maybe it's just another song following in the grand tradition of "Every Breath You Take," by The Police. On the outside it seems like a lovely song of devotion. On the inside it's a little darker and creepier.

The second member of the trio is "Papercut," by Apollo Drive. Yet another song about love and loss (I think there just might be a theme going on here). So we've got our singer and he's sad. Very sad. Very, very sad. Get the boy a box of tissues. Obviously, he's just broken up with his best gal and not taking it very well. Okay, I'm fine with that. It happens. You're sad. I get it. You're getting a little melodramatic there, but okay, the emotions might still be a little raw, so it's understandable. That understanding starts to fade when the song reaches the chorus and things start to get weird, particularly the lyric that goes "Oh I miss how it feels when we touch just like a paper cut." Now, I don't know about you, but I know I love to get paper cuts, especially when I can get them from those thicker cardboard-like papers they sometimes use for tags. Blood. Nothing says I love you like blood. Right? Hmm. The jury may still be out on that one. No wait. Actually, I don't miss paper cuts. In fact, I try to avoid them at all costs. They hurt, they bleed, and they ruin a good day (and possibly a good shirt or pair of pants). Sorry sir, I guess you lost me there, and I'm starting to think that you don't miss that girl as much as you want us to believe. In fact, I think you just want some attention. I think I know just the girl for you. How do you feel about locks?

Finally, the third member of the trio is a rather popular gal with a rather popular song you've probably heard many, many times...whether you wanted to or not: Taylor Swift and her song, "Love Story." Okay, I get it. You're young, you're in love, and nothing is going to keep you apart. You're just like Romeo and Juliet (but you're not that song). Personally, I wouldn't want a relationship to be that song. After all, you do remember what happens at the end of the play, don't you? And you do realize that that play was a tragedy? Or did you somehow miss the last scene and the line about how "never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo"? Personally, I'd rather not have a love like that. I like my life, for the most part anyway, and I'd like to see where it's headed. I don't think Taylor wants it either though, since the very end of the song spins away from the play to a happier, livelier ending, which probably helped sales because I don't think the song would have been as popular had it ended with the young lovers killing themselves. (Parents' groups would have probably gotten a little angry, too.)

So, what have we learned? A bouncy or inoffensive tune can hide a rather dark message. Kind of like those teenage tragedy songs. You just kind of bop along to the beat, not really listening to the lyrics, or only listening to a smattering, and think "Hey, this is a fun song." Then one day you actually listen to what's going on and you think "Hey, that's not what I thought this was about. That's actually kind of messed up. Oh well, I still like the song. Tra la la." Okay, perhaps you don't add the tra la la, and perhaps you even stop listening to the song, or not, but still, whenever you hear it, you remember that it isn't really just about sunshine, rainbows, lollipops, and puppies. (Except for maybe Taylor Swift's, though she does have that song about how she broke up with her emo boyfriend, but that one's not trying to be anything other than what it is: depressing, which makes me wonder why it's also a store song. Who knows, maybe a depressing song makes people buy more in order to get back those good feelings, so it all evens out in the end...until the credit card statement arrives.). All in all, each of these songs is kind of like a kitten. All cute and fluffy on the outside, but inside its hiding its claws and fangs, waiting, if only innocently and not knowing any better, to bring on the pain. Boy, I can't wait to go to work tomorrow.

And so it begins.

2011-10-02T11:58:00.006-04:00

It's time to start reading about that other wizard named Harry.

The one who doesn't live in Chicago.

It cannot be unseen.

2011-09-23T09:55:00.007-04:00

The phrase best describing the beads on a particular shirt "designed" by a particular celebrity: Upscale macaroni art.

Oh, Endor.

2011-09-22T22:19:00.003-04:00

There seems to be an awful lot of fake fur this season, and so much of it looks like Ewok.

Except for those purses that look like Tribbles.

Exhibit A: The recent changes made to Facebook

2011-09-22T00:22:00.002-04:00

Why there will probably never be a one dollar coin.

My apologies for the recent lack of posts.

2011-09-15T17:54:00.002-04:00

I've been abroad.

(And doesn't that just sound all uppity and fancy schmancy?)

If you can't find it,

2011-09-02T11:32:00.011-04:00

Make it.

But be warned, you might have to make it twice.

I did.

The first change purse could hold change, and nothing else.

It was a frog hair too small to hold a card without bending said card.

But it works great as an earbud case, which I also needed, so everything worked out in the end.

As Bob Ross said, "We don't make mistakes. We have happy accidents."

Sure I can, but should I?

2011-08-30T20:02:00.003-04:00

Should anyone really make bacon chocolate chip cookies?

Almost healed.

2011-08-30T19:54:00.003-04:00

Which is good considering that the mouthwash is almost gone.

If it looks like a duck...

2011-08-24T11:24:00.002-04:00

If your child is covered in spots that are probably not bug bites, do not take them to the store and then, while in line, look down at said child and say, "I should have taken you to the doctor yesterday."*

*The above is a true story and the reason why I used hand sanitizer and then washed my hands with two kinds of soap before reapplying the hand sanitizer.

Surgery, anyone?

(And if it turns out to be a duck, and you're holding a slice of bread, just give it to the duck before it takes it from you.)

I know it shouldn't matter.

2011-08-20T22:20:00.003-04:00

But this dental work has really put a damper on my blogging.

(And I didn't think that you wanted to know all of the fascinating things I've been learning.)

Don't tell Cobra.

2011-08-13T22:05:00.009-04:00

The Smurfs are everywhere.

(I love being greeted by things like this when I turn on the TV. It always makes me smile.

Though it does make me wonder just what the Smurfs are up to, and why Cobra would be so concerned.)

I guess I can't die.

2011-08-01T21:18:00.003-04:00

I have far too many books to read.

(And more than a few to write.)

Curse you...whoever you are.

2011-08-01T21:08:00.004-04:00

Another scene, another character in need of a name.

Make that two.

Maybe three.

Okay, four, tops.

I think.

Dang.

I'm not sure how to take this.

2011-07-30T09:56:00.002-04:00

The fortune said that my luck would change completely.

But it didn't specify in what direction.

Or what it believed my luck to be at the time.

I'm a little concerned.

(And dropping that open box of cereal sure didn't help.)

Poor Frank.

2011-07-30T09:53:00.001-04:00

He's had a bit of a setback.

I hope he's going to be okay.

It's official.

2011-07-28T19:33:00.006-04:00

I have tomatoes.

And that's it.

(The logs don't count.)

It's a good thing that I don't have to depend on this garden for food,

otherwise I don't believe I'd make it through the fall...or the end of summer.

Some days it's harder than others.

2011-07-24T19:29:00.006-04:00

The original can be found here.

(Because the link doesn't seem to want to work with the picture.)

Oh, what the heck.

2011-07-24T15:23:00.005-04:00

Here's Claude.

(I think he was starting to feel neglected :).)

Alive and kicking.

2011-07-23T00:57:00.006-04:00

Frank has weathered the heat wave and is still hanging in there.

I hope that's a good sign.

(And yes, that would be Claude at the bottom, trying to worm his way into the picture.)

I will never say "the Apple software" the same way again.

2011-07-22T11:02:00.005-04:00

If you've never heard Richard Dreyfuss read portions of the Apple iTunes EULA, you should rectify that now.

In retrospect,

2011-07-22T10:59:00.004-04:00

Writing about digging graves and burying bodies might not have been the best thing to do before leaving for work.

Would you like to update? No.

2011-07-20T19:43:00.006-04:00

Every time iTunes gets an update, the first time I open it up, I have the irrational fear that it will have undone all of my careful sorting and organizing, and that I'll have to do it all over again. Maybe it's because I remember the one time that it did actually throw things out of whack and all of the trouble it caused. (And no, I would not like to Ping about it.)

Oh, Dr. Jeff.

2011-07-19T10:52:00.010-04:00

The comic is not called Mary Cory.

Yesterday I had a garden.

2011-07-19T10:43:00.007-04:00

Then it rained.

At least the tomatoes survived.

(Perhaps I should name them.)

I guess it's a good thing I've got that backlog of books to read.

2011-07-19T10:29:00.006-04:00

Borders is toast, and soon the only stores in that little shopping plaza will be Michael's and Bed, Bath and Beyond. On either side will be the two empty holes that once held Borders and Circuit City. I suppose I could go to Barnes & Noble now. I suppose. But their history section isn't very good, at least not in the nearest store. So I'm going to have to find another source for my history books once Borders finally closes, and while some people would say that this is what happens when you keep giving out coupons and such, I'm going to come right out and say that those coupons made me spend more than I would have, and made me buy more than I would have, and if we're going to go on about coupons and such, then someone should also mention Kohl's, though I'm not going to. This isn't about them. It's about Borders.

I'm going to miss Borders when it finally closes. I'm going to miss wandering around and looking at books, finding something I hadn't even planned on buying, and wishing for all of the books that I want to buy but just didn't have the money for. I'm also going to miss the people because they knew me and I knew them. Now that I know it's going to close, my mind is having a little panic attack, going through all of the books that I wanted to buy but didn't, all of the CDs that I didn't buy but that I know are still sitting there waiting for me and my coupon to appear, and all of the books and things that will be gone and that I know aren't waiting at Barnes & Noble. Don't get me wrong, I like Barnes & Noble too. I've bought stuff there, and someday I might even become a member, but I'll have to think about it because that store is on the other side of town and this one was only about a five minute or so drive away, right next to other stores that I had to go to anyway.

I suppose all things must come to an end, but I had kind of hoped that it wouldn't be so soon. At least not until I'd finished buying those books. And yes, I know that there's also the Internet, but really, there are a lot of books that I bought only after seeing them on the shelves or flipping through them. A lot of books that were bought just because I happened to come upon them. A lot of books that I wouldn't have found on the Internet because the Internet, though it promises so much variety and so much more, is very direct and targeted and doesn't lend itself to roaming because you always have to put in something to search for, which makes stumbling upon something all the more difficult. After all, if you don't know that you're looking for something, how can you find it when you're asked to identify what you're looking for? Ah well, I shall survive. I'll just have to find another bookstore. Goodbye Borders. I'm going to miss you.

The worst time to have an idea is two minutes before your break ends.

2011-07-18T16:25:00.006-04:00

Guess what happened yesterday.

But did I manage to get the words written in those two minutes and get back to work on time?

You bet I did.

And so it begins.

2011-07-16T11:54:00.007-04:00

The first thousand words have been thrown down.

(And boy, do I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with the guy kicking things off.)

(No, it's not that he's kicking puppies or setting fires or punching orphans or doing anything terribly bad. He's just...being himself.)

Does that mean he's also loose?

2011-07-15T12:01:00.007-04:00

Every time I see the local news promo where they ask me to feel the magic of the new Harry Potter film, I can't help but be reminded of the ThunderCats theme song. I hope I'm not the only one, though I might be the only one who feels the need to actually sing it out loud.

It's not that I name all of my plants.

2011-07-15T11:59:00.008-04:00

Only the ones that get sick.

That's why there's a Frank.

And a Claude.

(But don't worry about him. He got better.)

Hanging in there.

2011-07-15T11:52:00.006-04:00

Frank is still alive and doesn't appear to be on the decline.

Here's hoping that he keeps improving.

(And be sure to tune in for next week's Frank Watch Update, where hopefully nothing much will have happened.)

Now the writing can really begin.

2011-07-15T11:50:00.006-04:00

Unless I decide to change your name.

Again.

The weather could change before you finish watching this.

2011-07-13T19:42:00.003-04:00

Take that chance.

Plot Device from Red Giant on Vimeo.

We've hit a small snag.

2011-07-11T19:42:00.005-04:00

I have no idea what your name is.

(Which wouldn't be a problem if you weren't kicking off this here book thing.)

(And no, Bob, Tom, Bill, or Fred, will not work.)

Quack. Quack.

2011-07-11T11:18:00.002-04:00

All of my ducks are now in a row.

Time to start writing.

So I guess it's sort of there.

2011-07-09T20:30:00.005-04:00

The beginning parts of the timeline came together pretty well.

The ones toward the end of the middle, not so much as things started to kind of fall apart.

But the few at the end are in great shape and right where they should be.

No one ever said this had to make sense.

2011-07-08T16:52:00.002-04:00

Least of all me.

Looks like we're going to need another Smeagol.

2011-07-08T16:37:00.007-04:00

What is the Eye of Sauron doing with Oprah?

Does that mean he made a backup Ring just in case?

Does Gandalf know?

Does Frodo?

Does Sam?

Does this mean there's also a backup Gollum?

I hope so.

Otherwise, that new ring might not get destroyed.

Pray for Frank.

2011-07-08T15:46:00.005-04:00

First he was infested with bugs.

Then, in the process of repotting him, I accidentally knocked most of his roots off.

I hope he survives.

He's far too young to die.

So begins the second.

2011-07-06T11:34:00.004-04:00

In a little while.

After I finish sorting the notes and snippets of dialog.

And anything else that needs to be done.

But at least I know how it begins.

And how it ends.

It's just all the stuff in the middle that needs to be sorted out.

All 67 pages of it.