The customer is always right,

And pedestrians always have the right of way.
But in an accident, a car will do more damage to the pedestrian than the pedestrian will do to the car.

And I'm going to pretend you didn't say that.

"I don't drink.  I'd rather spend the money on books."
"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

(This conversation really happened, and I'd still rather spend the money on books.)

Cherry cough syrup.

It's just as bad as you remember.

Well that makes sense.

It's almost like I'd planned it.
Almost.

Realignment complete.

You are now free to carry on.
(Until the next time.)

Time to draw the rest of the birds.

Now that I think all the trees have been placed.
And the squirrels.
And the raccoons.
Oh, and Santa.  I can't forget him.
Now that they're in place, I know where to put the birds.

(And the cat.)
(But don't worry, the birds will be fine.  She isn't hungry.)

If only they were, this would be so much easier.

But horses are not cars,
And gates not widely used.

Recalculating...

Your attention, please.
The timeline is currently out of alignment.

Please ignore any future or past events you may encounter.

Trained professionals are working around the clock to correct the errors.

You will be returned to the story when the realignment is complete.

Thank you for your patience.

Please stand by for further announcements.

I've never seen that show before. Is it good?

According to the boxes of the program guide, here's what should have been on television last night*:

First on the schedule we have:
How I Met Everybody According To 30 Rock
The never ending television character review show where we get to look back on everyone who ever appeared on screen in the history of television, including such favorites as guy walking dog, little girl on swing, and lady with a coffee.  Personally, I'm waiting to hear whatever happened to fan number 6,492 from the episode about the big game.  I felt that they really made me think I was watching an actual sporting event.  And don't forget to tune in for the very special sweeps weeks and holiday episodes that will highlight those characters actually given names.

Then stay tuned for another exciting episode of:
Everybody My Name Is Earl Beverly Hills Cop III
The little show about the influential owner of a grand southern mansion who awakens one day to find that everyone has forgotten who he is in a strange sort of mass selective amnesia.  Every episode shows Earl's constant fight to to prove his existence while searching for the ultimate answer of why it happened in the first place.  Who will the ultimate culprit behind the loss be?  The government?  A secret society?  A vengeful ex?  A crazy scientist trying to cover up an experiment gone awry?  A dog?  The mind reels.

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see what's on tonight.

*note that the synopses of the shows are purely my own and don't actually reflect what was on, but I'd like to think that they did.

Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

What does it mean that I can identify Lee Van Cleef just by the sight of his eyes looking over a gun?
Too many westerns, or too many viewings of that Twilight Zone episode he was in with Lee Marvin and James Best?

If you ask me, I think old Lee is thinking of shooting Rosco P. Coltrane in the back right about now.

Trust me.

Don't do it.
Not him.
Not ever.

This may not be popular.

But I'm really missing the snow right now.
I don't think I would if it wasn't supposed to be here.
But it is.
And I am.

There's a reason some of these conversations were cut.

I'd appreciate a little less Super Villain Speech from you,
And a little less Super Hero Speech from you.
Thank you.

So who do you think he roots for when he watches?

 
http://www.lilformers.com/index.php/2009/12/07/lil-formers-174-mumm-ra/

Well that's a little morbid.

I wonder if some people have to take hair height and width into account when selecting a coffin.