Painting Christmas trees.

Because that's what you do in June, right?

Good.

Is not good enough.

It never is.

The end...sort of.

Draft two is done.

I fear that it's a wee bit long.

(Now I've just got to figure out how to print this sucker.)

It's not like people just drive around the lot.

If the value of a car drops when it's driven off the lot, why doesn't it drop every time someone takes it for a test drive?

Relax.

Have a prairie dog kind of day.

Dearest Customers,

I am a person.

I am here to help you.

I am not here to take your abuse.

I am not here to be treated like dirt or something you find stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

I am not here to be yelled at because the store doesn't have what you want.

I am here to help you.

And everyone else who comes through those doors.

All I'm asking for is a little understanding.

A little patience.

A little kindness.

There are many of you.

There is only one of me, and there is nothing I can do to change that.

Believe me, I've tried.

I am here because I have to be.

I am here because this where I can find work right now.

Believe me, this is not how I envisioned the future.

Not by a long shot.

But this is how things are.

And all I'd like is a little kindness.

Because I'm a person.

Because I deserve to exist.

Because I am not better or worse than you.

I am just me.

That is all I am and all I can be.

I treat you with respect not because you are a customer but because you are a person.

I treat you with respect because it's common courtesy.

I treat you with respect because it's what I was taught to do.

It's not you vs. me.

It's not me vs. you.

It never was.

It never will be.

There are no winners.

There are no losers.

There are only people who have the right to exist.

I'm sorry if we don't have what you want.

I'm sorry if you drove here for nothing.

I'm sorry that it's beyond my control and that I can't make what you want magically appear.

Believe me, if I could, I would.

But I can't, which is why I'm just asking for a little respect.

A little understanding.

A little patience.

I'm trying to help you.

I want to help you.

I don't want to feel bad about myself, or worse than I already do.

I don't want to think dark thoughts.

I don't want to re-evaluate every decision that I've ever made in life.

I don't want to, but I do.

Every time you sneer at me.

Or yell at me.

Or try to show your superiority over me when you don't even know me.

I know I work in retail.

I don't need to be reminded.

And it's really, really hard to stand there and smile while you pile on the abuse.

But I will.

I have to.

Because I have faith that I'll get through this.

I'll finally get to where I'm going.

And after I do, if I see you, I won't lord it over you.

I'll just smile.

And this time I'll mean it.

Bad news.

Something went after the sunflowers.

Two survived.

Time to plant again.

Dear Customer,

Your grammar made my brain hurt.

Please don't do it again.

Thank you.

(And yes, I also think that don't go together.)

Look, Ma!

It's a happenin' in the garden!

Things are finally starting to grow.

There are beans,

And peas,

And sunflowers,

And tomatoes.

(Okay, so those were there before, but they're still growing.)

Yes it is.

Maybe it's just me (it probably is), but sometimes when I'm watching a Harry Potter movie, and Voldemort shows up on the screen in his wizarding robes, I can't help but remember a certain bumper/promo for the Jackie Chan Adventures that was often played during the credits of other shows, where the following exchange (as best as I can remember it) took place between Valmont/Shendu and his minions:

"What's with the dress?"

"It's not a dress. It's a sorcerer's gown."

"Isn't a gown a dress?"

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't!"

(Pause)

"Yes it is."

It makes me laugh every time and I wish that I could find it again, but try as I might, I haven't been able to. (Believe me, I've tried.) I don't think I'm crazy because I know of at least one other person who remembers it, but still, it would be nice to see again. (Maybe it's tucked away on one of my random VCR tapes.) Anyway, I always have a good laugh when I think of it.

(Sorry, boys, but it is.)

(And another thing. Voldemort dear, maybe if you'd invested in a good pair of boots, some sensible shoes, or even a pair of sandals bought at the wizard dollar store, you might have stood a chance of winning, or had a far better attitude. I'm just saying, there's a lot of stuff out there to step or stub your toes on...)

That's good advice.

29 WAYS TO STAY CREATIVE from TO-FU on Vimeo.

I reckon I owe some of these characters an apology.

I reckon so.

Sorry.

Better luck next story.

Except for you.

You're not coming back.

Sorry.

The garden is in.

Now if I need to make anything with peas, beans, tomatoes, or sunflowers, I'm all set.

If they decide to grow.

(And maybe I don't need to cook the sunflowers...perhaps just the seeds will do.)

I might add some flowers tomorrow.

I've got the seeds, the space, and the time.

This is also neat.

(I seem to be saying neat a lot, don't I?)

Cloudy with a fifty percent chance of dinosaurs.

They played the Jurassic Park theme during Weather on the 8s.

Does that mean I should expect to see dinosaurs walking around?

I hope there will be at least one Ankylosaurus.

I've always liked them.

Aren't they neat?

It happened again.

(No, my car is not giving me an error message, and it isn't a calculator, but I still think it's neat.)