Happy Blogday!

Celebrate with cake, ice cream, and pointy cardboard hats.

(Clown optional.)

Wait! We have to exchange insurance information!

With a mighty CLONK Angelorious finds her car being rocketed into the stratosphere.  (Okay, maybe it only actually tipped over, but I'm just not sure and I think rocketing upwards is far more dramatic.  That being said, what was with the collision?  It only deserved a CLONK?  It wasn't even bad enough to get a CLONK!?)  Things don't look good, and I'm starting to think that the only way Angelorious could have survived this one is for her to become a Freejack, and if that's the case, I only have one question: when is Mick Jagger going to show up?  Getting back to the comic, um, guy, shouldn't you and Dick be trying to help the poor woman in the car that is now on fire?  (The poor evil, murderous woman.  Yeah, well, put all that aside.  She's still a living being and nobody likes to be burned alive.)
Alas, it seems that our hero will be too late.  It also seems that Angelorious' car was made of tissue paper, gasoline, and flint.  It doesn't look like she's going to be coming back from this one, unless, as previously stated, she's a Freejack, or a Terminator.  (You never know.)  Okay, there's bit of logic here that doesn't make a lot of sense, and it could be that I've never seen the inner workings of a hybrid car, but don't those things still have oil in them?  Doesn't oil burn?  I have it on good authority (i.e., experience) that you don't necessarily have to ignite the fuel part of a vehicle for it to burn.  There's plenty of plastic and wiring and oils and fluids that can ignite and make a cheery little fire (and that's only mentioning the stuff under the hood.  There's also upholstery and things like that on the inside, and for all we know, that stuff that got squirted in Angelorious' face has a low combustion point and reached it sometime during the drive.).

That certainly took long enough.

And we're back, finally.  Here's a brief rundown of what's happened (and yes, I have been keeping up with this, it's just that nothing's really happened lately): Patty ran off into the woods in search of Bucky after Mark said that it appeared the deer had only been grazed by the bullet.  Leaving Patty to her own defenses, Mark visited his pals at the Forest Service in order to learn more about Ken.  It seems that the economy has been less than kind to his logging business and he's had to layoff most of his workforce (which would make anyone angry, I suspect).  After what seemed like an eternity of searching, Patty finally found Bucky, but was horrified to find that his antlers had become entangled with those of another deer, causing her to run off and find Mark, which is where we now join this comic, already in progress.

Thank the stars that Mark still has his great-great-grandfather's saw, otherwise those deer could be locked in combat forever, or at least until their antlers fall off.  It would seem that Patty has actually followed Mark's advice this time, retreating to a distance of about five miles away from the two wild beasts as Mark works to free them from their entanglement.  Now, I don't know about you, but I think that one of those deer is clearly getting the short end of the stick in all of this since the one on the left, who I'm going to assume isn't Bucky, has to get his antlers completely sawed off, while the deer on the right seems to get out of this predicament completely unharmed.  That's favoritism, and that's just wrong.  They should both end up having little stubs for antlers.  That's the only way to be completely fair.  (Plus, if they were that tangled up, I find it hard to believe that one would come out completely unscathed while the other loses everything.  What did you do Mark?  Try out some fancy sawing techniques?  Just because one of those deer happens to be a friend doesn't mean that the other should suffer more.  Dirty pool, old man.  Dirty pool.)   

With the sawing complete, all that's left to do is to see what happens now that the deer have been freed to romp and play in the forest.  (I will not say run, for deer do not run, regardless of what a certain company may say.)  I only hope that they don't turn on their rescuers, which leads me to another question: what if this is all a trick by the Avians to lull Mark's defenses and lure him into a trap?  What if they're all sitting in the trees, watching as Mark takes the bait (for how could be refuse helping the helpless?), waiting for the right moment to attack and rain down death from above, finally defeating our intrepid woodsman, thus taking their places as rulers of the world?  (I mean, they have been hanging around a lot.  Who knows what foul deeds they've been planning.)  Or, maybe the deer will just bound away, seeking the safety of the forest.  You know, whatever works.

Thanks Arnold, I didn't know that.

You should not drink and bake.

-Mark Kaminsky, a.k.a. Joseph P. Brenner, in Raw Deal

(Funny, they never mention that in the PSAs. :D)

Tonight's forecast: magical snow.

Wait, when did it start snowing?  There must have been some sort of freak blizzard that only lasted for about two minutes that they never told us about (either that, or the Dick Tracy Universe has entered an episode of the Twilight Zone where the sun has burned out, or the Earth has suddenly left its orbit and is drifting out into the cold, emptiness of space).  Oh well, best go along with it.  On the plus side, it seems that CIA Man has finally torn himself away from his computer and is now on the trail of The Cyber-Bomber.  Now wait just a gosh darn minute here.  I thought he was looking for Dr. Noll.  Regular old explosion prone Dr. Noll.  Not Cyberland Dr. Noll, capable of bringing down the infrastructure of the world with a single keystroke.  (I think that portal between worlds may have opened up again.  Better start looking around.)

Meanwhile, unaware of what might or might not be happening, Dick Tracy is in hot pursuit of the now fleeing Angelorious (who despite being blind seems to be doing a rather good job of navigating her car through the snow).  If I were him, I'd hang back a little though, because when I first looked at this strip, I thought that her car was on fire, or that she was riding the rims and shooting sparks out everywhere she went.  Another very good reason to hang back would also be that Tracy is driving a borrowed car.  Yes, thanks to Angelorious' little stunt with the screwdriver, Tracy was forced to take the doctor's car and is now finding out for himself just how great this new super fuel is.  (Imagine what that stuff could do in a giant robot.  Alas, that story ended many weeks ago.)  This chase can really only have one outcome, what with the mention of how her driving is going to get someone killed, but I'll hold off on tying everything up until it's been tied up because frankly, I've been saying that things were winding down for a while now, and if I say it again I'll have crossed the line into "That's just embarrassing," territory.    

Movie Moments XX: It's possible that this one is just for me.

There's a good chance that I am one of a very few people who noticed this, and there's a good chance that I am one of a very, very few people who laughed when they noticed it.  Nevertheless, I could not let this one pass, for it brings me great enjoyment each time I see it.  You see, ladies and gentlemen (or at least the dedicated few who like to have a gander at this blog from time to time), when I saw this scene in Total Recall, where our hero is about to have very bad things happen to his mind, my first thought was not, "Gee, wonder how Arnold is going to get out of this one."  No, it was, "Hey, that's a hitch pin!  I've used one that looks exactly like that!  When they finish with Arnold they can go till some of soil!"  (Ah childhood memories, causing weird connections to appear most everywhere I go.)  That being said, Arnold really didn't have any other choice but to break the fancy chair.  Those pins are tough, without or without the cotter key in place.  I think what also makes the whole thing even funnier is that the presence of the pins seems to say that despite all of the advances in technology shown in the movie, the device we're supposed to be so afraid of still needs pins that can be bought at the hardware or farm store.  (How far we've come indeed :).) 

(There, now I've written it up, you've read it, it's no longer hanging over my head, and "I'll be home in time for Corn Flakes.")

I smell a crossover.

      
When the Sentinel Prowler was revealed, and then malfunctioned, I couldn't help but think, "That's what happens when you buy used robots from the Kingpin."

It's time to employ a little chemical warfare.

Well what do we have here?  It would seem that another player has entered the game: the mysterious man from Super Oil (not to be confused with Big Oil, home of the notorious Driller).  Until his identity becomes known, I shall call him Derrick (at last, the chance to use something useful from High School :D).  But who is this Derrick?  That remains to be seen, but I would keep an eye on him for he could be more powerful than his two-tone suit lets on (Two-Face, is that you?)  Why the suspicion?  Consider for a moment the fact that his telephone has neither buttons nor a dial.  How is he supposed to make calls?  Perhaps it's some sort of telepathic telephone, and if that is the case, there is no plan that Tracy can make that he won't know.  It remains to be seen whether he uses his powers for good or evil, but he does know that Angelorious got the wrong formula, which leads me to believe that he may be controlling her mind as a way to get his hands on the fuel formula.  (It's a great plan, after all, for if something does go wrong, all he has to do is sever his connection with her.  There would be no evidence of the connection, and no court would convict him.)

Turning back to the comic, we pick up where we left off: Angelorious sneaking into Dr. Noll's lab and Tracy hiding in the shadows.  (We can also assume that Dr. Noll is still lying on the floor, pretending to the dead, and probably turning blue from having to hold his breath for so long, thereby inching ever closer to moving from playing dead to being dead.)  Sensing that the doctor is in trouble, Tracy leaps into action and squirts Angelorious in the face with the same perfume that only comics before Tess thought had smelled funny and was also said to have burned one of the neighborhood ladies.  (Tracy, you knowingly squirted her with that.  Whereas Derrick has nothing to worry about in court, I'm afraid that you do.)  Carrying on the tradition of previous surprised people, Angelorious utters the immortal, "YI!"  In this case, the positioning of the exclamation even makes it look like she's wearing a tiara, or has been transformed into Captain YI! by the attack.  It remains to be seen what will happen to Angelorious as a result of the attack, whether her face will be scarred, whether she will be blinded, or whether nothing will happen since she seems to be made of clay, so any damage could be fixed with a little water.  I'm also going to go out on a limb and say that the attack was all Angelorious' fault.  She should never have packaged the perfume in a squeeze bottle.  That's just too tempting for anyone to resist using.

I get it.

After watching most of the basketball game last night, I think that viewers should be able to elect whether or not to have the crawl moving across the bottom of the screen, especially when said crawl only has five stories to show.  Yes, I get it.  A-Rod took things.  He's had a rough year.  He's leaving it up to the powers that be to make the decision about his stats.  I didn't care the first time I read it, and I didn't care the fiftieth time it trudged across the screen.  Come see me when you find something else to report, like say a score or some other sports-related news.

That's it? That's your plan?

It turns out that the criminal mastermind Angelorious did indeed end up with the perfume formula instead of the fuel formula (and all it took to find that out was a rather awkward meeting with the highest bidder of "The First Annual Help Angelorious Retire In Style Auction").  Now she's back to get the formula and have her revenge, and she's starting with...a screwdriver to the gas tank of Dick Tracy's car?  (I guess I should be grateful that she apparently found the gun again by the time she went inside of Dr. Noll's house, unless she's just holding the screwdriver at a funny angle to make people think it's a gun.  Who knows, maybe it's sonic.)  Angelorious, I just want you to stop and think for a minute.  You know that Dick Tracy is married.  You've had dealings with his wife.  I find it hard to believe that the Tracys only have one car between them, especially since Dick is always running off to different places for days or weeks at a time, and during those times I doubt that Tess jumps on a bicycle to go to the market.  (Think of her condition, oh marketing superstar.)  That being said, whatever you're planning to do, you can't possibly believe that you'll get away without some sort of high speed chase, one that will hopefully begin with Dick crashing through a garage door, skidding out into the street, tires burning rubber, and end with your car flipping over after striking another car or some randomly placed garbage cans.  (I really need to lay off of the A-Team episodes.)   

It's now beginning to look like things might be wrapping themselves up since Angelorious is about to walk right into the trap set by Dick and Dr. Noll.  (Now, if it was me, I'd have called in some of my buddies from the police station, or even SWAT Man, to help me out, but I'm not a seasoned detective working with a slightly scatterbrained scientist, so I'll just leave it to the professionals.)  All that remains to be seen now is how the doctor and Tracy will nab Angelorious, whether Driller will ever be exposed for what he's been doing, and whether or not the CIA man is actually on his way or has once again been distracted by Internet gaming.

Perhaps I should take a break.

Is there something wrong when, while listening to a soundtrack, there are certain parts where I know exactly what part of the movie the music belongs to, where I can see the scene in my head, and where I can recite the dialogue being spoken over the music?   Does it mean that I have listened to the soundtrack too much?  Does it mean that I have watched the movie too much?  Perhaps.  Does it mean that I will I stop listening and watching?  Nope.

Movie Moments XIX: Harness the blurb within.

Sometimes you can't figure out where the tagline for a movie came from.  Sometimes you read it and think that they came up with it as an afterthought, or as a last ditch effort to explain the movie right before the posters were sent to the printer.  Then there are those rare times when the movie gives you a break and tells you what it is and that makes everything easier.  Such was the case with Gladiator, in which the ever level-headed Emperor Commodus (or Caesar, or whatever he wanted to be called) pretty much summed up the whole movie when he said, "The general who became a slave.  The slave who became a gladiator.  The gladiator who defied an emperor."  (All he had to do was say, "In a world," and there wouldn't have been any need for a voice over in the trailer.)  Of course, me being me, I usually want to add him saying, "It would make a terrific movie, if only I knew what one was."  Still, even this isn't the first time that the movie has helped the audience out by telling them what was going on, since earlier our hero Maximus was considerate enough to summarize his character by saying, "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius.  Father to a murdered son.  Husband to a murdered wife.  And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."  More movies should be so considerate, the problem being that I'm not sure that a lot of movies know what they are, or they're trying to be what they aren't and can't possibly be, so trying to explain what they are could just make them seem even more plotless and pointless.

(Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know.  It's not Total Recall.  Too bad.  This is what I wanted to write about today.)

Isn't this channel supposed to be about, ya know, travel?

Why does it sometimes seem like the Travel Channel has more shows about food and eating than it does about traveling?

What does this say about us?

Score!

Please forgive me if I am mistaken, but wasn't the CIA guy supposed to be on his way to Dr. Noll's house to investigate that explosion?  Oh well.  Maybe it's another appearance  of an alternate universe character, similar to what happened in the last story.  Perhaps the boundary between the two worlds opened again for a brief moment, but unlike last time, no one has found themselves stranded, and that's good because with this flurry of activity, there isn't room for anyone else to appear.  (After all, this is but a three panel comic.  What do you think this is, Sunday?  OK.  Today technically is Sunday, but I've been trying to decide whether or not to use this one and finally made up my mind.)  

Lucky for us, this comic highlights the trio of characters that we will no doubt be hearing a lot from in the future.  There's Dick Tracy, putting out another All Points Bulletin to be on the lookout for Angelorious, who tried to kill Dr. Noll, stole his fuel formula, and is now going to sell it to the highest bidder.  It'll be funny if she ended up with the perfume formula instead, what with the doctor being so confused, though she probably won't find it funny at all and will no doubt have to go on a gun-filled rampage.  (Perhaps she should give Ken a call.  Perhaps this is where Ken was going.)  Then there's Driller, who has suddenly been cut off from any communication with Angelorious.   (Let this be a lesson to all of you: be kind to your minions, especially when you send them out for a secret formula worth millions or billions or even trillions of dollars.  They might just remember all of those past slights and decide you just don't fit in with their life goals, leaving you with nothing.)  Finally, we have the CIA man, who apparently got distracted surfing the Internet and forgot to check out that explosion.  Still, all is forgiven because he just looks so darn happy to have finally won the game that he's been playing for the past few weeks.  (Oh yeah, high score!  Take that anonymous Internet gamer with the screen name I no longer remember!)  With all of the characters assembled and the pieces falling into place, we'll have to wait and see what sort of wacky adventures, crossed paths, and hilarious misunderstandings lie in store.  

Movie Moments XVIII: What this needs is a scene with a deer.

Breaking away from Star Wars is hard to do, but then along comes a movie with a regular rotation on television that I find myself watching for no apparent reason whatsoever and it all becomes a lot less difficult.  No, that movie is not Dirty Dancing or Steel Magnolias, or any of those other movies that you have a good chance of seeing no matter when you turn on the TV.  This movie stars Arnold Schwarzenegger and Alyssa Milano.  This movie is Commando.  Yes, Commando.  Now, originally I watched the movie because Vernon Wells, a.k.a. Wez from The Road Warrior was in it, and frankly I hadn't seen him in anything besides that.  So began the random viewings of the movie, with me generally coming in somewhere in the middle or right before the big fight scene at the end with the high body, but somehow never catching the beginning of the movie.  Then one day I did, and a moment was born.  It starts at the very beginning, during a montage that I guess is supposed to show that Arnold (or John Matrix as he is known in the film) is living a quiet life of retirement from the military in the mountains with his daughter, Jenny.  This montage includes such things as Matrix carrying a log/tree on his shoulder, Matrix eating ice cream with Jenny, Matrix and Jenny doing some martial arts, and Matrix and Jenny swimming.  Now, all of these things are funny in their own way, but there is one moment that takes the cake and puts all the others to shame, for this moment is so wonderful and stupendous that it makes you wonder how it even made it into the movie.  You see, amid all of the sort of normal things, there's a brief shot of Matrix and Jenny feeding deer in the wild.  The whole moment seems so out of place and yet right at home with the others.  In fact, after seeing it, my brother commented that, "It looks like an ad for pants."  I have to agree.  It does look like it belongs in an ad for Dockers or Ralph Lauren, and now whenever I see a Dockers or Ralph Lauren ad, all I can do is laugh and think, "They should really have a shot of these people feeding a deer." 

(Coming up next, the moment from Total Recall that makes me laugh because of...well, you'll just have to wait and see what it is when I get around to writing it, unless I forget.)

Jinx!

Yeah, I'm sure that he's okay.  I mean, it looks like the worst damage Angelorious might have done was shoot off a few fingers, and Dr. Noll was probably right-handed anyway.  (On the plus side, it would appear that our would-be assassin used a cauterizing bullet, so there won't be much cleanup, and knowing Dr. Noll, he'll probably want to keep the fingers in a jar somewhere if he can't reattach them.)  I think that we should be more concerned about the fact that it seems like Doctor Noll has had something in his eye for a while now and can't seem to get it out.  (I'm thinking that the doctor needs to see a doctor, unless he only had one eye to begin with, or is content to live without depth perception.)

So it turns out that Angerlorious didn't shoot Dr. Noll in the hand.  (I must admit that I didn't think that she had seeing as how stubby fingers are a common occurrence in the Dick Tracy Universe, but since there wasn't any blood, I had to make a guess.  Wrong again.  Oh well.)  Instead, the doctor pulled a Clint Eastwood (or a Marty McFly) and the bullet bounced off of the brace he was wearing across his chest (no doubt made from the door of a cast iron stove or a piece of metal that just happened to be lying around the lab).  Now all Dick has to do is figure out why Angelorious shot him.  Was it a direct order from Driller, who, after trying out the fuel in his car and wrecking his engine grew tired of Dr. Noll's mistakes and decided that he needed to be silenced, or is there someone else involved?  We'll just have to wait and see how long it takes for this question to be answered.  (We'll also have to wait and see how long it takes for the CIA man to arrive on the scene since he seemed to be heading over there some time ago and has yet to make an appearance.)

Of course, the real question is: what's to become of Tess and the neighborhood ladies' perfume business?  Will they continue on without Angelorious, pretend that she isn't evil, or simply abandon the endeavor due to the fact that it could now tie them in one way or another to illegal activities (and potentially organized crime)?  After all, no perfume, no matter how wonderful it smells, is worth prison time.

He's down but not out.

Could it be?  Could Bucky still be alive?  Could that bullet really have ricocheted off of his antlers, dazing him for a moment, but keeping him alive and well and running for his life?  I'd like to believe that, truly I would, but my mind, the way it works, has also come up with a few alternative scenarios.  The first is that the predators in Lost Forest are awfully efficient and it sure didn't take long for word to spread of the fresh venison Ken just put on the menu.  The second is that the Avians, who have been hanging around the area anyway, have taken Bucky to their secret laboratory in the trees where they'll turn the poor deer into some sort of mindless slave.  The third is that a now crazy Bucky is roaming the forest, seeking revenge on the humans who have betrayed him and that even though her intentions are good, a terrible fate is about to befall Patty.  We can only hope that Mark will get there in time to sort everything out.

Maybe he's a quick study. After all, he is a scientist.

Watching Thunderball for the umpteenth time this weekend, I was suddenly struck by an odd question that no one really seems to have the answer to.  That question is: what happened to Ladislav Kutze after he jumped off of the boat?  I'm asking this because right before he, Domino, and James Bond jump from the runaway (and soon to be exploded) Disco Volante, he says, "I can't swim!" to which Bond replies, "Never too late to learn," and then hands him a life ring and pushes him overboard before he and Domino jump into the water.  The next thing we see is Domino and James getting into the life raft.  Poor Kutze is nowhere to be seen, never mentioned, and never heard from again.  I'm just wondering what happened to the poor guy.  Was there another life raft?  Did he lose his hold on the ring and drown?  Was he eaten by sharks?  Was he later picked up by the coast guard?  Did the guy with the underwater lair from The Spy Who Loved Me find him?  So many questions.  The guy who played him says that he survived, but we the viewers are never given any indication that that is the case.  I suppose it will have to be one of those questions destined to go forever unanswered.  (I shall try my best to get over it and continue on with my life.)

Am I going deaf? Are they?

It looks like the explosion might have rattled a few more things than Dr. Noll thought and I have a strange feeling that what had begun as separate formulas for perfume and fuel combined into one that is neither fuel efficient nor good for the skin.  Case in point: Sally's burnt skin.  (I feel for her, I really do, but there's still a part of me that's thinking that she deserved it if it smelled funny and she still put it on.)  We can only hope that she put it on a small spot as test and didn't immediately drench herself in the stuff like so many of the people walking around the mall seem to feel the need to do.

Yet all of this talk of burning skin pales in comparison to the real problem that has just been revealed: the entire cast is going deaf (or I am).  Apparently there was the sound of a gunshot coming from the direction of Dr. Noll's house (and if he dies, it just figures that I'd started getting attached to him.  This happens all the time on television series and movies.  Yes sir, if someone is going to have an early departure there's a good chance that I will have decided that I liked that character.  Sometimes I don't know why I watch anything anymore).  The oddest thing about this supposed gunshot is that if Tess hadn't said something, we'd have never known that it had happened.  Usually in these types of things, if there's a gunshot, there's a BAM! or BANG! or something like that.  Here there is nothing (which is really kind of disappointing and inexcusable seeing as how Dick Tracy often finds himself in the line of fire and the strip as a whole is no stranger to gunfire).  I guess whoever fired it made sure to put the silencer on beforehand.  (I'm sorry.  I couldn't resist.  I just couldn't.)

Oh my.

There are times when I want that positive thinking of mine to be right.  This is one of those times, but I don't think that Bucky is going to be getting up because I don't think that bullet ricocheted off of his antlers.  I also think that if Patty is still around when Ken gets back, I'll be surprised (and disappointed).  Ken, your actions rank right up there with Mon Mothma in Return Of The Jedi when she says, "Many Bothans died to bring us this information," and then right after seems to have a moment of "Right.  Well, enough about that.  Moving on..."  I think that Ken might be a tad unbalanced (and it's not just his pockets either).  Frankly, I'm not sure why Patty has stayed with him as long as she has and I've only known of his existence for the amount of time he's been in this current storyline.  Still, in spite of my dislike of the man, I can't help but wonder where he's going.  (Could it be that he's some sort of hit man?  That he's tangled up in some sort of illegal activity?  That he's really cheating on Patty but doesn't want to let go of her until he's sure that this new relationship will work?  That he's really some sort of angry android, sent from the future for some unspecified task that was lost and scrambled in his memory as the result of a time travel malfunction?).

It's just a flesh wound.

After sending Mark away, Ken heads to his outdoor gun rack to put an end to his Bucky problem.  (Ken, there are better ways to solve your problems.  Maybe you should talk to Patty first.  Then you'd learn that she was going to get Bucky some help to learn how to be a real deer, and you won't have to do what I think you're going to do.)  This comic is starting to take a dark turn, and I'm thinking that it might not be the best thing for some impressionable young minds to be reading (at least not until this matter gets cleared up and we can go back to the puppy-nappings).
Wow, that's a little more violence than we're used to around here.  Maybe it isn't as bad as it looks.  Maybe the bullet just ricocheted off of Bucky's antlers and he didn't just take a bullet where I think he did.  This will all have to wait until Monday, when the aftermath of Ken's actions can begin.  The real question is going to be what Ken does next and whether Mark was close enough to hear the gun shot.  (This could still end with Mark being held at gunpoint, or even with Bucky taking his revenge on Ken.)  At this point all we can do is wait, though I think I can pretty safely say that this marks the end of Patty and Ken's marriage.

To succeed would take more resources than planet Earth can supply me.

After refusing the Tracy's hospitality, Dr. Noll has returned home to work in his lab (a home, I might add, that is in remarkably good shape considering that it previously looked like it was a stiff wind away from falling over).  It is in this same strip that we also learn the identity of the mysterious Driller.  What did I say?  Mining or oil.  Well, judging from the big sign behind Driller, it's clear that this other mixture that Dr. Noll (that's Dr. Ethan Noll.  Yeah, I know, but did you seriously expect him not to have some sort of pun-related name?) has been working on is for a gigantic mining operation on the moon to harvest the cheesy center that has become the obsession of foodies around the world ever since Wallace and Gromit took their ill-fated flight into the heavens.  (Joking.  Joking.  I know that it's oil.)
With the successful creation of the perfume, Tess (or Angelorious) wasted no time getting it into packaging, and I must admit that I like the way it looks.  It adds mystery to the product by making the buyer guess whether it's a whistle, a snowman, a badge, or some sort of vacuum packed cream or space food (maybe it's freeze-dried ice cream.  Yum.)  Now I'm going to come right out and say that I, like Dick, am having my reservations about this idea that Tess and her friends have come up with.  My dear, if it smells funny perhaps you shouldn't put it on.  That's how one ends up earning a Darwin Award, and it looks like someone might have just beaten you to the punch.  We'll all have to wait with bated breath to see what happened to poor Sally.  Perhaps she tried some of the perfume and exploded, turned into some sort of mutant creature, turned into a Jekyll and Hyde type character, or is now experiencing the same degradation that Angelorious was going through the last time we saw her.  Only time will tell, but enough about what might or might not have happened the Sally, for something else has happened today that requires recognition and celebration.  Ladies and gentlemen I would like the announce the return of the tiny phone, connector of people and distributor of information.  (And isn't that more important than someone we've never seen before and may never hear from again?)  

Gee, that sounds familiar.

Songs are funny things because once you attach them to something, you can't help but think of that something whenever you hear the song.  This was especially true this past summer when I was watching the Olympics on NBC and every time they took a commercial break, I had the sudden urge to watch The Adventures Of Brisco County Jr.  Now, why, you may ask, would the Olympics make me want to watch a show from 1993 set at the turn of the 20th century starring Bruce Campbell?  The answer, my friends, is that NBC's Olympic broadcast played a snippet of the show's theme song whenever it went to a commercial break, and it's done that for the last several Olympics.

And speaking of songs that make me think of other songs, The NFL On Fox theme always makes me want to listen to "Sleigh Ride" by Leroy Anderson.  I blame it all on the part of the theme that sounds remarkably like the "Giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up, let's go," part of the song.  (Maybe it's just me.  It probably is.  I make weird connections like that all of the time.)

What do you mean they're not alive?

As a child, the highlight of any visit to the dentist was a chance to read The Care And Feeding Of Stuffed Animals, by Glen Knape, a book that had somehow wormed its way into the collection of magazines, picture books, and dental pamphlets in the waiting room.  This book had everything you needed to know to properly care for your stuffed animals, but I think that my favorite part was always the explanation for how you helped a stuffed animal adjust to its new home via the magic of the Huggle.  Now what, you may ask, is a Huggle?  If I remember correctly, it is when you create a circle of stuffed animals around the new one in order to introduce it to its new family.  I can attest that it is a practice that works and leads to a smooth transition from store to home.  (What can I say?  I was a special child :).)  This book will always have a place in my heart, and made it almost worth it to go to the dentist.  Someday I'll have to find myself a copy for the coffee table that I don't have.  (What?  Did you expect it to sit on a shelf?  No sir, that's not where the book belongs, for there are no shelves in the dentist's office.)

(And on a totally unrelated note, why did it seem like all waiting rooms had to have at least one of those children's Bible stories books in them?)

Someone should do something about this.

There's something that's just wrong about throwing a plant away.  I understand that you're moving, that you don't have room for it, or that you just don't want it anymore, but still, tossing a live plant into a trash can, dumpster, or leaving it by the curb for the garbage man just seems wrong.  I guess that's why I couldn't just toss Captain Sticky out when I moved.  (Instead, I wrapped him up in two garbage bags so he wouldn't wreck my stuff.)  I thought about throwing him away, but something just seemed wrong about it.  I think it's because it was alive and despite its problem, didn't appear to be dying.  I guess other people don't have a problem throwing plants away, but I am not one of them.  (Heck, I had trouble giving away old stuffed animals because I didn't know where they were going to end up, so of course I would have problems throwing plants away.)     

Now, before you mark me off as the crazy plant girl, I do have standards.  If a plant is dead, then by all means throw it out, but if it's alive, that's another matter entirely.  It's alive and it's not going to have a better life sitting amid discarded orange peels and junk mail.  It should be given a chance for another life.  That's why I think there should be a plant pound where people can bring their unwanted plants.  Then people who want a plant can buy it for cheap and the plant can continue to live and keep supplying oxygen to the world.  I don't know if anyone has ever done this, but I know that I'd go to one if I knew it existed because as Linus said in A Charlie Brown Christmas, "I never thought it was such a bad little tree.  It's not bad at all really.  Maybe it just needs a little love."

It's not far in relation to the size of the world.

Sometimes I regret that most of my stuff is 640 miles away, but most of the time I don't.

It's a swing and a miss!

We seem to be getting to the action a lot sooner than usual, which means that this will be a short story arc (or that we're in for some really great stuff later on down the line).  The only slightly confusing thing about this is the second panel.  The first and third seem like a likely progression: Ken takes a swing, Mark ducks, and as Ken turns his body, Mark leaps up and grabs him.  Adding in the second panel seems to give Mark some sort of superhuman ability to duck, jump up, and grab the wrist in a split second.  (Not that it couldn't happen, but still...)  Regardless, I must admit that I do like the action shadow surrounding the two hands.  (I only hope that I'm not mistaken and they're actually being attacked by a fiend instead.)  I think that Ken should give up now since he doesn't stand a chance.  He's got Mark behind him and the Jack Elrod Ball in front of him.  There's nowhere else to go (unless of course, Rabbit suddenly appears to even the odds, but I think that the days of Rabbit are over), so I would think that it would be better to graciously admit defeat and start working out your differences than to find yourself in the back of a police cruiser or ambulance, but I've been wrong before.

Wow, I can't believe you just said that.

I'm going to ignore your comment about what you were thinking when you were driving to the interview since I sincerely doubt you were the one actually doing the driving.  No, what really got me was your little comment about how the Super Bowl was going to take people's minds off of their problems and that they'd start thinking about them when it was over.  Really?  Could you have said that in a less condescending way?  Or, maybe you just shouldn't have said it at all?  The way that you said it just had the tone of, "The little people, the commoners and peasants, finding great delight in their gladiatorial games will turn off their brains and forget the troubles that keep them awake at night in their hovels for the three or four hours of athletic exhibition."  I, for one, can't just turn my brain off and not think, and I was certainly thinking about my troubles at different points during the game.  It's going to take a lot more than some football to do that.

At least someone has a job.

It's good to see that the T-Rex from Jurassic Park is still able to find work, even if it is in the Land Of The Lost.

Should I bring a bucket?

I'm hoping for the best, which means that I'm hoping it doesn't sound like an extended version of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town."