Sure, it's evil. It's plundered, enslaved, killed, and done who knows what to countless planets and peoples across the galaxy. Still, it's always kept the health of its workers a top priority (most of the time, anyway). Why else would it create badges that are also lozenges? Got a sore throat on the Death Star or Star Destroyer after taking a quick trip to Hoth to try out that new Walker model? Just take a badge out of its vacuumed sealed compartment and pop it in your mouth. Don't want to do that because you see it as a demotion? Never fear. Demotions are as easy to reverse as cracking open another package of badges, easily stored in any locker or drawer, each with a special pin back that makes affixing it to your uniform a snap. But the badges aren't just for soldiers with sore throats and hacking coughs. Need a promotion? Want to impress the ladies? Want to look good at the next class reunion? Parents coming into town for an unexpected visit and you want to look better than an overachieving sibling? Pop on over to the nearest Empire owned drug store and you too can be an Admiral or a General (though really, why would you want to? They have a nasty habit of being blamed for everything and then getting strangled by a rumbling sound and a couple of pinching fingers).
Sunday, March 22, 2009
You can’t beat the Empire’s health plan.
Sure, it's evil. It's plundered, enslaved, killed, and done who knows what to countless planets and peoples across the galaxy. Still, it's always kept the health of its workers a top priority (most of the time, anyway). Why else would it create badges that are also lozenges? Got a sore throat on the Death Star or Star Destroyer after taking a quick trip to Hoth to try out that new Walker model? Just take a badge out of its vacuumed sealed compartment and pop it in your mouth. Don't want to do that because you see it as a demotion? Never fear. Demotions are as easy to reverse as cracking open another package of badges, easily stored in any locker or drawer, each with a special pin back that makes affixing it to your uniform a snap. But the badges aren't just for soldiers with sore throats and hacking coughs. Need a promotion? Want to impress the ladies? Want to look good at the next class reunion? Parents coming into town for an unexpected visit and you want to look better than an overachieving sibling? Pop on over to the nearest Empire owned drug store and you too can be an Admiral or a General (though really, why would you want to? They have a nasty habit of being blamed for everything and then getting strangled by a rumbling sound and a couple of pinching fingers).
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