Feeling the gravity of the situation.

It must be tough to be a cop in Tracyland. Sure, Dick gets a house with furniture because he's a big shot, but everyone else gets a couple of desk lamps (which they probably have to take home from the office each night), and some pillows of various sizes (probably removed from the walls of the station). If you're really lucky, it looks like you might get a section of wall and a table, but that's only if you show promise.
On the plus side, Shirl doesn't look half as strange from far away. I think it's the eyes that do it. Though, why she's wearing a collar underneath her shirt is beyond me (maybe she's afraid that someone is going to come up from behind and strangle her, so she got one of those leather collars the police used to wear a long time ago).
And now we're introduced to the mysterious "B" who seems to be not of this Earth. It would appear that he’s living in a city on the moon, or some other place that lacks real gravity, and while it's wreaking havoc with his hairstyling, I must say that it makes talking on the phone a breeze (at least, I think it's a phone. Otherwise, he's tossing the remote control to the television away because they didn't call his numbers again so he has to work for another week, but I'm going to call it a phone). And what a phone it is! Without gravity, all you have to do to make a call is get it to hover by your ear, taking away the chances of stiff arms and necks. Plus, it makes having stubby fingers less of a burden. Now if only they could find some way to help the poor unfortunate souls afflicted with T-Rex Arms…

Wow! Didn’t see that one coming. Oh wait…

Well surprise, surprise, it looks like Shirl just might be evil (I think the eyes were a big clue). Luckily, I'm not sure how much damage can be done with a "MINI COMPUTER" that looks a lot like an old video game cartridge (but which one? Donkey Kong? Space Invaders? Asteroids? Defender? Combat? Football? Ice Hockey? Pong? I could go on, but I'll stop with those.). I do like the fact that it had to be labeled as a mini computer, though it would seem that said computer has changed its shape by panel three (at least, I'm guessing that it's supposed to be the mini computer. That, or a tin of sardines. It's hard to say.). Though in panel two it looks like the integrity was already being compromised since it was turning into a surprised robot. It's also a good thing that the police are using real high-tech instead of that troublesome fake high-tech. You never know where that stuff comes from and you always run into problems when your adversary refuses to join in the game of make-believe that is inevitably required to use it.

Just Skate Away

Whenever I see a kid wearing those skate shoes, I get the overwhelming urge to stick my foot out and trip them as they zoom past. I never do it because they’re children, but I always think about it. Maybe I wouldn’t think about it so much if they didn’t almost run into me so often.

Cameras again, but real this time.

Remember when people used to have to actually look through cameras to take pictures and not at them? Today I realized that even though I have owned my camera for over a year, I don't know that I've ever actually looked through it. I've just depended on the screen to tell me what picture I was taking. I didn't used to do that. I didn't used to have a camera that made me more dependant on a screen, on a digital representation of life, than on the actual thing I wanted to take a picture of. Today I finally looked through my camera. I looked through the little black square and saw the cross-hairs that help center the picture. I realized that I had missed that little square. The square that could push the whole world away. The square that could make you feel like you were in a little box, or covered by those black cloths you always see with the really old cameras. I don't want to miss it again. I don't want to be so dependant on technology that I forget about the simple little things that are really all you need. I'm going to try looking through the camera instead of at it. I'm going to try to break away from the false digital and look at the real. Wish me luck.

Chlorophytum comosum

I never thought it would be difficult to find a spider plant until I wanted to buy one.
(I'm still looking.)

Courtesy

This is just a friendly reminder that even though you may have silenced your cell phone out of respect for your fellow movie goers, you still shouldn't open said phone during the movie since it will inevitably emit a bright light that is both distracting and annoying to all those around you, and makes them consider doing terrible, terrible things to you.

Three

It took three coats to paint a red bird on a black background.
(I need to do the background again.)

Camera thoughts.

There’s never a camera around when you need one. When you see that really amazing thing, that weird caution sign, or anything that you know isn’t going to be there in a little while, but that you want a picture of, that’s when you don’t have a camera. It happens to me a lot, and a lot of times I think that I should just carry a camera around with me all the time, but then I forget, and the camera seems pretty big, and some people think you’re kind of creepy walking around all of the time with a camera. But still, I wish I did because sometimes I regret the pictures I didn’t take. My phone doesn’t have a camera, but that’s fine because I’ve never been all that impressed with pictures taken by phones, and I don’t have the money to get one that would take good pictures, if such a thing exists. It would be neat if there was a camera that could be connected to your eye, or your brain, or whatever, so that all you had to do to take a picture was blink, and it was so small that you couldn’t even see it, but you could still take pictures. It would be a mental camera, linked telepathically to its owner. It wouldn’t be a bow tie camera, or like other kinds of cameras that the spies always seem to have. It would be invisible and all you would have to do to take a picture was to think, "I want a picture of that," and then blink to take it. I think that would be neat. I also think that some people would abuse it. I wouldn’t, so maybe there could only be one, and it could be mine, though I would be willing to share.

Foiled!

Thanks to Bill the Wonder Pup and his talent with the telephone, and some fancy door surfing by Mark Trail (that, or he was out practicing his high kicks, and got a little out of control), the plot of the Avians has been foiled, for now. Maybe if they'd recruited some people who didn't look like they were more interested in trying out for the Harlem Globetrotters than carrying out the Master Plan, they'd have been successful. We’ll just have to wait and see how they react to this little turn of events. Will they seek revenge? Will this further steel their hatred of Mark Trail and all he stands for? Will they decide to drown their sorrows in sunflower or thistle seed? Only time will tell. The important thing is that Bill can now cure Madeline because we all know that the sure-fire cure for someone in the hospital is cuteness. Forget the medicines, machines, and medical know-how, no, all you need is a puppy. There is one thing that troubles me, though. It appears as though Bill does not have bones since when Mark tucked him into his shirt to sneak him into the hospital, the shirt didn’t change all that much. Maybe Bill is really a stuffed animal. Maybe he’s like Hobbes. Maybe everyone in this comic world is crazy, and therefore sees a stuffed animal puppy as a real puppy. Maybe Mark has just lost some weight. I think this will have to be one of those mysteries that goes unanswered. For now, we should watch the skies, and wait to see what the Avian’s next move will be (it is heading towards summer, after all, and their numbers are growing).

The undead have laws to enforce too.

Generally, the pupils are supposed to be black, and the whites are supposed to be…white, because they’re the whites. There’s just something unsettling about a person who has that in reverse. Makes them look dead, like they might or might not have eyeballs. I wonder if this is some sort of diversity program being implemented at the station, or maybe it’s part of an exchange program. Maybe she’s from Halloween Town. Either way, she’s a little creepy.
Frankly, I’m surprised they haven’t already tried this on television. After all, what could be more entertaining than the unlikely pairing of two cops, one alive, and one dead, sort of? Oh, all the kooky adventures they could have, and you could have the constant struggle of the undead cop trying to resist eating its partner’s brain. They could deal with prejudice, acceptance, and all that stuff (heck, if they could have a blind cop, they can have an undead one too). It could be a division of Law & Order, or CSI, or it’s own thing, or whatever. People would watch, at least for an episode or two.
In panel two you can really tell that Tracy is interested in what the new recruit has to say by the way his eyes are closed, and it looks like he’s sleeping, leaning against a pillow that’s been attached to the wall. I guess at this police station, they’re saving space while at the same time providing a place for weary members of the law enforcement community to rest.
Now panel three gets interesting. Shirl either has one arm that is about half the size of the other, or she has three arms and that’s just the extra one she keeps around to scratch her back, carry that extra bag, or to be the third hand people always talk about. I guess this means that not only is she undead, but she’s also a mutant. Fascinating, but Tracy doesn’t seem to care. In fact, it looks as though he has yet to wake up, so maybe this is all a dream.

It’s hideous! Wait, what are we looking at again?

So it would appear that Mr. Tracy wants to help the public, but not receive any rewards that are not of a monetary nature. And poor Tess, it appears that another side effect of T-Rex arms is nausea, but luckily, since her hands are right there, covering her mouth is easier than ever. Reaching for things on a high shelf, however, remains a constant source of frustration. I still want to know what’s in the Amazin’ Box O’ Mystery. All I keep getting told is how awful it is, but I want to be the judge of that. It’s also quite an interesting card Tess is holding there. Either Dab Stract is a Time Lord using psychic paper, or someone didn’t bother to scribble out some indecipherable letter-like chicken scratch on it (and really, how hard is that? Little kids do it all of the time).
It looks like Dick is coping with the bad gift by going right back to work. Panel one suggests that he’s even thinking about a career change, as he seems to be practicing his modeling, that, or he’s going to be a scarecrow, I can’t decide. Meanwhile, Tess is coping by taking to her bed, sick to her stomach over something that might or might not actually exist (hey, I’m not saying they got anything in the mail until I actually see something hanging on the wall. Right now all I’ve got is an invisible box.). The good news is that she remembered her airsickness bag, though I guess in this case it would be her artsickness bag.

Pencils

If you don't use wooden pencils, and only use mechanical pencils or pens, you miss out on making tepees from the shavings.

Listening to Aaron Copland

And feeling like I should be eating beef because it's what's for dinner.
That, or I should be going to the rodeo, but I don't know where there's one around here.
I guess I'll just do neither.

Attack of the Shopping Cart

There are several scenes in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes where you can see tomatoes on wheels, and I believe there's even one instance of a tomato in a shopping cart (but I could be wrong since I haven't seen that movie in a long, long time). I have to say that I can relate to being chased by a shopping cart. It has actually happened on numerous occasions, most recently this past Sunday. As I was driving through the K-Mart parking lot, I saw a cart coming from the side, booking it in my direction. It wasn't pushed by anyone, and it wasn't windy. It was just going at a good clip, and had I stopped to watch it, it would have hit my car, and in fact, I had to step on the gas to avoid it. I have no idea how it got going, but it did and it was moving in a nice, straight line. It reminded me a little of Missile Command for the Atari 2600 where you can see the attack coming from a mile away, but may or may not be able to stop it. In this case, I was able to avoid the attack, but I know that it is only a matter of time before I don't...

We must be in ancient times.

Everyone is speaking with a British accent.

Tough Times Hit Morganville

Okay, so actually, it's Glenwood (I guess. I never really knew what city this thing took place in, but hey, let's be accurate...unless I'm wrong. If I am, oh well.). You know things are bad when a person takes a job that could potentially end their life just to see if something deadly is lurking in the air. From this comic, I guess the school is now supposed to be slowly filling with carbon monoxide, and since they couldn't put a canary in there because the animal rights people would get angry, they chose a nurse with canary colored hair. Way to take one for the team, Carol. Although, nowadays they could just get a carbon monoxide detector, and avoid the whole death thing. But who knows, maybe she really needed the job. Maybe she's not that smart. Maybe she's not a very good nurse. I mean, they just got through explaining to the guard that the school was clean, and this form of MRSA cannot live in the absence of humans, or a crowd, paraphrasing there, but you get the idea). Although, I do love Rex's expression in the last panel. Even though it has been repeatedly stated that the school is safe, and there is no MRSA there, he's still got this, "Ooookay Carol. Well, let's see what excuse I can come up with to get out of this place before I die," look on his face.

Movie Moments VII: Haystacks don't get hungry.

This moment comes all the way from Kansas and a famous little song about rainbows and what might be over them, and if you’re thinking it’s from The Wizard of Oz, you’re right. Now, this isn’t about what might or might not be hanging in the forest. No, this is something that happens long before Dorothy crashes her house onto Oz. It begins right before she starts singing "Over the Rainbow," when Aunt Em gives her a piece of chicken. Now, for a while, Dorothy carries the chicken and signs the song. The moment happens when she leans against the haystack. After she steps away, the chicken has mysteriously disappeared. You might wonder where it’s gone, but if you watch closely, it really looks like she sticks it in the haystack before she steps away and continues singing as though nothing happened. I would have loved to be at that meeting during the filming of the movie, "What do I do with the chicken?" "Oh, just put it in the haystack. I’m sure no one will notice."
(Now, you may argue that it kind of looks like she might also toss it away as she’s walking from the stack, but after repeated viewings, I’m not seeing a little chicken wing flying from her hand, so I’m going to stick with saying that she put it in the haystack. But that’s merely my opinion, though I know of other people who agree with me.)

It’s made of people…

If Soylent Green was real, would you try it, just to see what it tasted like?
Would you consider trying it even though you know what it’s made of?
What if you tried it and found that you liked it?
Would that make you cannibal?
The mind reels.

It’s Charlie Brown Day

At least, it seems like it’s Charlie Brown day in Comic Land. From Dick’s “Good grief!” to Ron’s shirt, I’m wondering if it’s just a coincidence or if there’s some important “This Day In Peanut’s History” thing that I don’t know about. My loss, I guess.

The Amazin’ Box O’ Mystery

Seems as though Tess and Dick have just entered imagination land. Well, that, or Tess has decided to become a mime. Who knows what’s in the invisible box. Gold? Jewels? Another invisible box? I can’t wait for tomorrow, or the day after that, or next week, depending on how long this is going to get strung out, and how many recaps we’ll need. Also, poor Dick Tracy just can’t seem to get a break. I mean, he went from having to deal with a lunatic art collector to a file about a new recruit, and now a box? When will his torment ever end? Will he ever notice that poor Tess seems to be afflicted with T-Rex Arms? Maybe that’s what happens when you open other people’s mail. So remember kids, the next letter you open that’s not your own could shrink your arms. I’m not even going to say what happens when you tear the tag off of a mattress. It’s just too scary.

My Card.

Rex and June aren’t going to let the over-powering smell of chlorine and bleach keep them from entering an empty school without permission. No, they’re too brave to let that stop them. In panel three I’m waiting for Rex to say, “Don’t worry, my card will protect us.” I might even have been tempted to believe it if it didn’t look like he had it hung on a shoelace around his neck.
I do like how in panel one it looks like the guard (at least, I think it’s a guard) is pointing a gun at them, though I’m sure it’s just a finger. The guard also seems to have purchased the child-sized masks for the dangerous task of guarding an empty school. Well, that or he and the other guards are recreating Mortal Combat fights in the gym with dodge balls, climbing ropes, and whatever else they can find in the gym closet. Considering how it looks like he’s starting a power up move in panel two, I’m starting to think the fumes could be getting to him, even with the mask.

This is why we need to be a little more creative with the names.

Well here’s a twist. Turns out Mark doesn’t just like animals, he can also communicate with them via the telephone. Looks like Bill the puppy managed to get to a phone and call for help because the humans aren’t doing much to help him right now other than sit around and talk about how he’s lost. He must be the greatest dog in the world to be able to use the phone and speak human. Although, his captivity may be getting to him since he’s referring to himself in the third person, or dog, in panel two. He'd better keep this call short. Who knows how long it will be before his absence is discovered by the Avians. Sure, he’s been able to make two phone calls, but it’s only a matter of time before they figure out where he’s gone, and if they find him on the phone, who knows what they’ll do.

Got to make sure you get your three squares a day.

So, kids are dying, you’re going to what could possibly be the origin of the outbreak, but first you’re going to eat lunch. Maybe getting a hazmat suit or some sort of protective breathing device would be more important than that tuna sandwich, Rex. Maybe you shouldn’t go “poke around” a potentially hazardous place. Maybe you should call your health department friend and get his advice on this matter before you go (then again, he might say no). But don’t forget to drink a big glass of milk before you go. And think positive thoughts. I hear MRSA can’t live in the presence of positive thinking.

Save Mark!

Apparently, the Avian’s plan hasn’t gone unnoticed. That’s the problem with trees. You never know who else could be listening in. Now it’s up to Squirrel to alert wise, old Owl and save Mark from the nefarious plot of the Avians, whose hatred of him is becoming more and more blatant, especially after that saint comment. Let’s hope that Squirrel makes it in time. Otherwise, he’ll have to live with it on his conscious for the rest of his life, and we all know how squirrels like to play in traffic…

Huh?

I’m not sure what’s going on in panel one. It looks like Dick Tracy is holding the phone to Liz’s ear while at the same time trying to run himself through with a priceless antique sword. I guess the thought of a new recruit is just too much for him. Actually, it kind of looks like he's tossing the phone to her since he doesn't seem to have much of a grip on it. Heck, Mary Worth on Earth day had a better grip on her phone. Of course, it could also just be that they switched Liz’s classic rotary cell phone for an updated version, but she was holding that one in her other hand, so maybe she’s talking on two phones at once. (Could be that someone just got a little sloppy with the artwork too…)

Then there’s panel two, which would be fine if it weren’t for the tiny crossbow sitting on Tracy’s shoulder. Maybe he removes wax from his ears by shooting tiny flaming cotton swabs into them. Not the safest method of cleaning, but who am I to judge.

Taking it to the next level

Maybe this is because I watched too many cartoons as a child, but there is definitely something creepy about talking about injections over a picture of some humming birds, especially when said birds look like they're saying those lines. After all, in cartoons it seems like they’re the go to birds when you're looking for little flying darts to deliver a lethal dose of poison to your enemy. This does not bode well for Mr. Trail. It appears that he’s getting far too close to the truth about the Avians and has now been labeled a threat. Now he has forced their hand, err, wing, and they’ve decided to drug him. What they’ll do next is anyone’s guess. Could a woodpecker performed lobotomy be far behind?

In other news, we could be on the verge of introducing a new angle to this story with talk of a Princess (yes, I know it’s supposed to be the dog, but when the birds speak, you never know who they’re referring to). Are we going to see the rulers of the Avian Empire? Is the Empire run by humming birds? It could be if they’re going for the “It’s always the one you least suspect,” angle. But this also brings up another question: What do you call the ruler of the Avian Empire? King? Emperor? Czar? The mind reels.

When she dies, all bets are off.

Nothing like putting aside your differences in a crisis with the full intention of bringing them back to the forefront when it, or your mother, has passed. Maybe I read the strip wrong. Maybe it’s a more positive thing than I think it is, but the way I read it, there seems to be an unspoken, “…for now,” lurking in the shadows. I think it's the bold words of "It's what Mom wants." Sounds a little snippy.

Little phones for little calls.

I'm wondering what that tiny phone in Liz's hand is supposed to be. Perhaps in Dick Tracy's world it's a cell phone. I mean, they've got those wristwatch radios, so anything is possible. Although, if it is, I want to see the little rotary part of the phone that you have to keep in your pocket so you can dial. I'd buy one. Then again, perhaps the phone represents the kind of call you're going to receive. I think phone calls would be far less nerve wracking if the reason for the call corresponded to the size of the phone, so if the little phone rang, you'd know that it was just your friend wanting to know if you wanted to go get ice cream later, but if the big phone rang, it could mean that your friend had been in an accident. It would make life easier, though you might also live in fear of the big phone ringing, so maybe not.

Movie Moments VI: One Man And Two Hobbits...

This moment is brought to you by The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. It happens near the end, when everyone is standing before the Black Gates of Mordor. After Aragorn finishes giving his speech about how someday the world may indeed end, but today they’re going to fight, one of my favorite scenes occurs, and it is during this scene that I hear a narrator in my head. It happens right when Aragorn dashes forward to take on the enemy, and the only ones who go with him are Merry and Pippen. It is at this point that I always hear in my head, “One man and two Hobbits against the might of Mordor.” And I love it because it seems like everyone else just kind of freezes for a moment and has this, I’m sure unintentional, moment of “Well, I guess we better go too. I mean, if he survives and we don’t fight, we’re all going to be in a lot of trouble.” Then they too dash forward to start the battle, quickly overtaking the Hobbits who probably ended up at the back of the pack when all was said and done. I know it’s not supposed to make me laugh, but it always does.

So there's a look?

I guess I’m on a roll right now, so I’ll just get this one down too. This was sometime last year, but it still annoys me, and when I saw it, I had to write it down. I was watching the news (yet again), but this time it was the local one. I thought it was quite interesting when I heard that some people, who were planning on shooting a movie with Sissy Spacek, were going to be in the area looking for people who worked or lived on farms, or looked like they do. Are you serious? I couldn’t believe it when I heard it. I hate to break it to them, but we look just like everyone else. We don’t all wear name tags, a specific hat, or anything like that to set us apart for ease of identification (what is this, World War II?). In fact, I’ve surprised quite a few people by telling them I grew up on a farm. Guess I wouldn’t make the cut then. Thank you Hollywood. Once again you have shown us how truly shallow and superficial you really are. Can’t wait to see your next movie. Maybe you can get some prepackaged corporate pop music in there sung by a fourteen year old you’ve dressed up to look twenty-five.

I question your journalistic integrity

A while ago, I was watching the news, and they were doing a story about how, I believe it was in England, people were stealing tractors and re-selling them. What really got me about the story was the unprofessional way in which this national news anchor, who I will not name, seemed to be on the verge of laughing by the time the story had finished. Well, sweetheart, sorry that you had to degrade yourself and get down from your little golden tower to talk about that. After all, it’s not like it’s your job. Oh wait, it is. You know, that equipment is pretty darn expensive. When a good tractor can set you back $200,000 (which is around the cost of some used combines, which can easily go past the half million mark). I think that the people who are having them stolen deserve a little respect and sympathy. I just found it very, very unprofessional, but not at all unexpected. After all, if you were going to describe how the media portrays farmers, well, I believe the term hillbilly, inbred, hick, and any number of terms will do. How many positive portrayals of farmers have you seen? I’m just saying that you should think before you speak. There are a lot of things I could say about newscasters too, but I won’t, and I won’t laugh at them either.

Their reach is expanding.

Looks like the Avians might have another trick up their sleeve, um, wing. Not content to settle for guerrilla tactics, they’ve decided to infiltrate the newspaper industry. It does make sense, though. After all, what better way to send messages to your caged comrades than through the very newspapers that will line the bottoms of their cages. Sure, on the outside it will look like the story of a man and his dog, but really, hidden within will be the plans for the next step in the invasion. It is spring after all, heading towards summer, so what better time to invade than when there are the greatest number of reinforcements in the area? Very clever, Avians. Very clever indeed. I wonder how wise, old Owl is going to deal with this.

It also looks like progress continues to come to little Madeline’s hometown as the homes in the middle of the field have now become a bustling metropolis of skyscrapers. Though I must admit that they are nestled nicely within the environment. I’ve never seen completely green buildings before, but they do look lovely.

On another, unrelated note, I like how the elephant statue in panel one looks a lot like the elephant figurine I got in a box of Red Rose Tea. (I had no idea they were doing the full-sized representations of the Noah’s Ark animals series.)

And a little advice from Michael

Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.
-Michael Caine

A little advice from Abe

Whatever you are, be a good one.
-Abraham Lincoln

Which is worse?

I don't know what crazy perspective Jack is using in the last panel, but I'd like to think that Mark Trail has just stumbled onto a new contender for “The Giant Thing That Should Be In A B-Movie, But Isn’t” category. There are movies about giant ants, spiders, lizards, and even some about tomatoes, but I’ve never seen, or heard of, a giant skunk movie. Personally, I’d find the giant skunk a lot more terrifying than the others. I mean, think about it. Skunks have sharp teeth and claws, so you’ve got to watch out for those, they eat a lot, so the citizens of wherever the giant one shows up are in trouble, and then there’s the smell. I have to believe that anything sprayed would immediately start melting or dying, and the smell alone would probably be enough to incapacitate anyone. I think there’s a lot of potential for this movie. They should put it in a theater and use Smell-O-Vision Technology with it too, though that would probably greatly decrease the number of people who go see it, but I’m sure it would later become a cult classic with midnight screenings and skunk themed parties.

I wonder...

If I'm the only one who reads this.
It doesn't matter though, because I'm going to keep writing.

Birds...

I was walking by the Doubletree Hotel when a bird flew into my foot. It’s not like I was walking on air or anything. I was walking on the sidewalk, it was windy, two birds came zooming through the air, and one of them hit my shoe. It happened, I swear, and there was a little poof of feathers when it hit. I didn’t kick it, and it didn’t hurt. It was kind of like when a ball hits your foot. There’s a bump, but nothing else. And as far as I know, the bird was fine and just flew off to continue doing its bird things. But it was weird all the same.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

So, it seems that the best thing to do when a loved one’s life is hanging by a thread is to break out the folding chairs and start to rumble.
(I know it’s the first thing I would do.)
Personally, I'm waiting for the other guy to break out the two-by-four. Then things should get really interesting.
Thank you Mary Worth, for showing us the way once more.

Bug.

I saw a ladder sitting in the front seat of a VW Bug. It was weird, but neat.
I saw a flower in a vase in the same VW Bug. It seemed cliche.