Movie Moments VIII: Who’s the father?

If you liked the Superman Returns movie, and found it touching and heartwarming that Superman and Lois now have a kid, you might want to skip this. If you’re curious about what I have to say, read on. For I suggest that Superman is not the father, and I have proof, well, sort of, if you look at it one way, maybe, it’s possible. You have been warned.

Now, let’s examine the facts: Sure, at times the kid seemed to have super strength and sight (I guess. That, or telepathy, I’m not sure), but those things only seemed to occur over water. Coincidence? I think not. Just think about it for a moment. Who better to jostle a boat, causing a piano to shoot backwards than a whale? And who better to let someone know that someone else is about to drown than a school of fish, a dolphin, or yes, a whale. And finally, if you’re watching at the very end, you’ll notice that the lad isn’t wearing Superman pajamas. No, he’s wearing Aquaman pajamas. Hmmm. Now, I’m not saying that Aquaman is his father (well, actually, I am), but Lois was with Cyclops when Superman returned. (He had just gotten over that whole Jean Grey thing, and I’m just going to come right out and say that in that movie, when he was standing by the water, looking all sad and pathetic, I expected him to break into the song "Jean." "Jean, Jean, you’re young and alive…" Okay, enough of that.)

My theory is that while Superman was gone, Lois moved on. I think she just worked her way through the Justice League (but not Batman because well, he has issues, and he’s only a part-timer). That was where she met Aquaman, and one thing led to another, and that thing led to the kid who might not really having a breathing problem, he just might be growing into his gills. But Aquaman is not a family man, and his life, his love, and his lady, is the sea (kind of reminds you of a song, doesn’t it?). So their love was not meant to be, but Lois could never forget him and moved into a home by the water on the off chance that he’d come back (which of course, he didn’t). Eventually, she moved on again, and once she was through with the Justice League, apparently Ms. Lane moved on to the X-Men, but before she could meet anyone else, Superman returned, and since she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, she told him the kid was his. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle (but please, don’t tell Superman).